


Collateral Damage

by Anxious_Patton



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Blood, Cancer, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Cancer, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, References to Depression, Seizures, Self-Hatred, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 09:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 35,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18247454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anxious_Patton/pseuds/Anxious_Patton
Summary: A college AU in which Logan keeps a huge secret from Virgil.





	1. Chapter 1

So far, Logan's day had been hellish. The presentation he had spent all night working on had been postponed last minute, meaning that he was exhausted for no reason whatsoever. He had thus fallen asleep for half of his morning lecture and was missing a heck of a lot of notes he would need to borrow from a classmate. And just to top it all off, he had bashed shoulders in the dormitory hallway and spilled his coffee all over his shirt, meaning he had to turn around to change, was running late to his next class, and had no coffee.

He cursed under his breath as he neared the door, hearing the professor's voice already addressing the class, and pushed the door open, giving a small nod and a quick 'sorry' before settling in the nearest seat. Logan had chosen the 'Introduction to Art and Design' class as an optional extra. Something slightly less mentally taxing than his five-year astronomy course. A chance to relax and indulge in a hobby he rarely made time for anymore.

As the professor continued her presentation outlining the outcomes for the course, Logan's eyes settled on the only other kid not watching her intently. The intense purple pigment to his hair made it difficult not to be drawn to him. He seemed the artistic type. Grey and black plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up above his elbows layered over a purple t-shirt to match his colourful head, ripped black skinny jeans and old black converse with designs of thunder clouds and lightning bolts scribbled all over the soles and toes. He had brought a pack of chalk pastilles along with him and was already frantically scribbling in a sketchbook in shades of purple, blue, pink, and black, fingertips smeared with them and arm imprinted with colour where he must have leaned on the drawing. Logan sat up straighter, trying to get a look at what he was drawing, but the boy’s backpack blocked his view.

“…just to give you a basic understanding of art and design this next semester,” Logan tuned back in to the professor’s speech, tearing his eyes away from the purple haired boy. “Today we will begin with something a little fun and expressive. I’m going to pair you all up to create a painting which expresses your interests. You will have three classes to complete this, so I recommend meeting outside of class on occasion as well.”

Logan deflated slightly. He despised teamwork. Rarely was the work distributed evenly, and it generally ended with Logan himself doing most of the work. His edgy, chalk-covered classmate seemed to be thinking the same thing, judging by the scowl on his face. They locked eyes for a moment and Logan shook his head and sighed. The other responded with an eye roll and a lopsided smile which made Logan’s heart beat slightly faster in his chest. He smiled back before breaking eye contact as the professor continued.

“Since I doubt that many of you know each other, please raise your hand when I call your name,” she said, beginning to read out the randomised pairs. Everyone shuffled their seating to begin planning with their partners and eventually Logan was forced to vacate his seat.

“Logan Sanders,” his head shot up as his name was called and he raised his hand slightly, “and Virgil Black”

“Hey, specs! Looks like you’re with me,” Logan followed the sound of that voice and found himself staring, once again, at the purple haired boy. Virgil. Perhaps this paired project wouldn’t be terrible after all.

\---

Once everyone had been paired up, the professor had allowed them to leave the classroom to work wherever they chose, which is how Logan and Virgil found themselves in the campus coffee shop, sketching out ideas for their painting, discussing which artistic style would best represent them, discussing majors. Virgil, it seemed, was not in fact an art student, but a psychology major studying on a scholarship. And he had not only allowed Logan to ramble about astronomy for much longer than he had expected, but even seemed interested, stopping him from time to time to ask questions.

“Do you want a refill on your Americano?” Virgil asked, picking up his own mug, “I mean, I’m going up for more coffee anyway.”

Logan smiled, “That’s very kind of you, Virgil. It would be much appreciated.”

He watched the other take their cups back up to the desk and order more drinks before dipping his head to study their designs. Virgil had suggested finding a way to blend their majors together in a clever and artistic manor, but so far they were having no luck with the actual execution of the project. Especially considering all the planning time they had wasted on chit chat. Though Logan had to admit that it was a welcomed change to enjoy the company of an assigned partner, even if it did hinder their productivity just slightly.

“Here you go, spaceman,” the psychology student smiled, handing over a steaming mug. He settled next to Logan again and took a sip from his own mug. The way he held the liquid in his mouth for a moment – seeming to hesitate before gulping it down – suggested that he didn’t actually enjoy the taste. Logan suppressed an amused grin, deciding it best not to bring it up. He picked up a pencil, drawing another rectangle on their page of ideas and sketching out another scene of the two of them lying in a bookshop, surrounded by books on their favourite topics, and sheet music on Virgil’s side.

“This is more difficult than I had imagined. Combining the interests of two people who have only just met is no easy task,” Logan sighed, dropping the pencil again and resting his chin on his hand.

“No, I think we’re on to something, actually. I like the books. But what if we went back to the earlier idea with the galaxy and the constellations as well? Maybe have that pouring out of the pages?” Virgil suggested, sighing as his phone buzzed. Then buzzed again. And again. He sent a quick reply, setting it down on the table beside him, “My roommate. He’s on his way over. I kinda promised we’d have a pizza party and movie marathon tonight.”

Logan huffed out a laugh, “I think our roommates would get along brilliantly. But your idea sounds incredibly interesting. Do you think you could come up with a sketch for next week?”

Virgil nodded, “But, I mean, you could always just add me on Facebook? So I can send you the sketch and you can let me know what you think? Give me your phone and I’ll find myself.”

“Oh, um, yes. Social media. That works too,” Logan fumbled in his pockets for his phone, unlocking it and bringing up the search bar of Facebook before passing it to Virgil, who sent himself a quick friend request and passed the phone back, glancing up first at Logan, then behind him at the doors.

Virgil snorted, shaking his head and waving, and Logan turned to see a strikingly handsome young man in a white shirt – sleeves rolled up slightly like Virgil’s – a beige waistcoat, and dark navy jeans, a thin red scarf wrapped loosely around his neck. He excitedly held up two large pizza boxes, pointing frantically between them, Virgil, and himself. The psych student rolled his eyes, turning back to Logan, eyes widening at the pizza-wielding gentleman’s muffled shout of, “Disney!”

“My roommate, Roman,” he explained, packing away his art supplies and quickly downing what was left of his coffee. “He’s a little… Eccentric? But he’s harmless, really. He’s roped me into watching a bunch of Disney classics, and no doubt I’ll get his rendition of each soundtrack in its entirety. If I survive the night, I’ll PM you.”

“To his merit, pizza is more than a sufficient bribe,” Logan offered, passing Virgil his sketchbook and settling back down. “And thank you. For making this insidious task bearable. Enjoyable, even.”

“Likewise, specs. I’ll see you around,” the purple haired boy zipped up his backpack, slinging it over one shoulder and rushing out the doors to greet his exuberant friend, clapping him on the back and leading him away.

As Logan sat, sipping his coffee and trying to remember the names of his classmates from this morning’s astronomy lecture, his phone lit up with a notification from Facebook:

“Virgil Black accepted your friend request.”

\---

Logan dropped his bag in his room, grabbing a pack of instant ramen and heading to the shared dormitory kitchen, an amazing smell filtering out into the hall, making his mouth water and stomach rumble. Whatever that was put his meal to shame.

He peered around the door, eyes landing immediately on his roommate’s favourite long, grey cardigan. The other boy glanced up, eyes landing on Logan and a grin spreading across his face, “Logan! You’re late home. Did you stay at the library again to study ahead? Oh! I made you an omelette if you’d rather have that than the ramen?”

Logan nodded thankfully, “Everything you cook smells incredible, Patton. Thank you.” He settled down at the table to wait, pulling out his phone to a notification from Virgil and opening it to see a short video of he and his roommate, the latter loudly singing along to ‘Let It Go’ as the former laughed and shook his head at him. “I didn’t stay late today, actually. Do you recall I mentioned that I had signed up for an art class?” Patton nodded. “Our first assignment is a paired task. And my partner is strangely… Tolerable. In fact, I might even say I enjoy his company.”

A loud gasp and Patton froze halfway to the table, “You made a friend?!” he exclaimed, feet dancing slightly in uncontained excitement. Logan thought perhaps he and Roman would hit it off immediately. His roommate placed a plate and cutlery in front of him, settling in the seat in front, “Logan, are you telling me that you’re late because you were spending time, willingly, with another human being?”

“Don’t sound so surprised, Pat. I spend time willingly with you, do I not? But to answer your question, yes. We may have stayed longer than the duration of our class, and we may not have gotten much work done,” Logan rolled his eyes, cutting into the omelette and sighing happily at the taste. He had lucked out in the roommate department, that was for sure.

“I… Am so proud of you! There is much more to the college experience than grades, Logan. I’ll admit I was a little worried for a while there that you would let this whole time pass just locked away in the library or in our room,” Patton cut a chunk of his own omelette, continuing to speak through his mouthful, “Whas ‘is name?”

Logan rolled his eyes, “Virgil. Psychology major. And I don’t spend all of my time in our room. I… Go for coffee as well. I go outside.”

He glanced down at his phone. Another notification from Virgil. He opened the app to find a photo this time of Roman with his mouth full of pizza, trying and failing to block the camera with his hand. The caption read ‘the ego maniac in his natural habitat’, and Logan huffed out a laugh at that. He sensed eyes on him and looked up to find Patton leaning across the table, staring at him and grinning stupidly.

“Soooo… Is he cute?” He asked, making grabby hands at Logan’s phone, “Let me see! Let me see the boy who can make my roommate laugh!”

Logan rolled his eyes, bringing up Virgil’s profile and wondering if it would be weird to have a quick look through his photos. Well, Patton wanted to see him, and his profile picture was a darkened, edgy grayscale edit of himself sitting on a fence playing guitar. No purple hair in sight. Shifting to the seat next to Patton and bringing his food with him, he clicked on his photos. Patton grabbed the phone from his hands, flicking through some of the more recent ones, “Ohhh, I didn’t think punk guys were your type.”

“Patton, may I just quickly point out that this man is not my love interest. He is my partner for one art project. And besides, I’m more interested in the people themselves, as opposed to what they look like,” he sighed, rubbing his temples as Patton continued flicking through the photographs. “Not to mention, even if I were interested-- Which I’m not! He’s barely an acquaintance. But even if I were, it’s likely he’s not even into guys.”

Patton paused, turning the phone around, showing him one photo Roman had tagged him in, “Here’s a photo of him kissing Roman Prince at a party.”

Logan blinked, staring in silence for a moment with raised eyebrows. Yes. They certainly were kissing. “Okay, I stand corrected. Wait. You know Roman?”

The other nodded, “Of course! Who on campus doesn’t? He started last year. Theatre kid. Gets the lead in almost every show. Got arrested once for drunkenly stealing his prince outfit from the theatre department and singing in the streets at 4AM. Now we all call him Princey. It’s great. Funny guy.”

“He got arrested?”

Patton just waved a hand in dismissal, “I went to that party. It was fun,” he mused, staring at nothing for a moment before passing Logan his phone back and returning to his food, “This Virgil looks like a nice kid. Could be good for you, Logan. Get you out more.”

“Whatever you say, Pat,” Logan scoffed, finishing his food and standing to wash his plate. He dried his hands and put the dish back in its cabinet before taking his phone out and sending Virgil another message:

“Coffee tomorrow?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil cancels plans with Logan last minute. Patton worries for his roommate.

By the end of the first week of their paired assignment, Virgil and Logan had already sketched their design on canvas and begun plotting colour schemes. They met each day after their last classes in the campus coffee shop, ordered their drinks, and managed a small amount of work. They had worked more throughout the past weekend, with Roman even stopping by on occasion to check in on his roommate, dramatically draping himself over his shoulders and groaning, telling them they worked too hard for nineteen-year-olds and should be partying with the cool kids at the weekend.

Logan checked his watch again. It was Monday now, and Virgil had text him almost a half hour ago to inform him that he had left his art supplies and their canvas in his dorm room and would be slightly late retrieving it. He took out his phone, sending him a quick message:

"Hi, Virgil. It is starting to get rather late. Would you rather postpone this until tomorrow?"

He set his phone down, sipping his second coffee and skimming a few passages from one of his astronomy textbooks until he heard the gentle vibration of his text notification against the wood.

"Lo, I'm so sorry. Something came up. Coffee is on me tomorrow, dude."

A sinking feeling overcame Logan at the cancellation, but he shrugged it off, downing the rest of his hot drink and gathering his belongings. Patton, at least, would be happy to see him home early for once. He sent a quick message back, assuring the psych student that it couldn't be helped that he looked forward to working with him the following afternoon. Pocketing his phone, Logan glanced towards Virgil's dormitory building, hoping that whatever this 'something' was, he was okay.

\---

Virgil shoved open the door to his and Roman's room, eyes landing on the canvas immediately. He dropped his backpack, opting for a tote full of art supplies instead, and turned to leave, praying Logan didn't mind waiting the extra five minutes, when his gaze settled on his roommate.

Roman lay, unmoving, curled up on his bed in old sweatpants and the hoodie he had bought when they had seen Wicked together earlier in the year. The choice of clothing wasn't unusual for the theatre student during his downtime, but Virgil knew these signs all too well. He wasn't sleeping, eyes open and staring directly ahead. He hesitated slightly, gently placing the tote back on the floor.

"Roman? Are you feeling okay?" Virgil asked softly, having to watch the other carefully to notice his tiny shrug. "Is it a bad day?" A small nod. Virgil kicked off his shoes, slowly settling down on the bed behind his roommate, lying down and gently pulling him back against his chest, "Did anything happen? I don't care how small and insignificant you think it is, you can talk to me. You know that, right?"

Roman gulped, gripping the sleeve of Virgil's hoodie, "I... I don't know. I just woke up. And everything felt dull and off. I didn't have classes until noon, so I sat for a while, and the thought of leaving this room just made me want to cry, Virgil," he whispered, voice cracking at multiple points, "I couldn't do it. And then I felt so useless and stupid, because I didn't go to class. I couldn't even do that! Something s-so insignificant. A-And then..."

"Take your time, okay? Breathe," Virgil whispered, nuzzled into Roman's hair.

"My professor emailed me, reminding me these classes are vital to my learning and I've already missed three this year," Roman whispered. "And I already felt so hopeless and useless! I-I'm a bad student. Not even a bad student, Virgil! I'm a bad person. I can't even function properly and what right to I have--"

"Ro, I'm cutting you off right there. I know you think that because you had a decent childhood and your life is perfect to onlookers, you have no right to feel like this. Do you remember what we talked about before?"

Roman turned in Virgil's arms, nodding up at him slightly, tears shining in his already puffy eyes. He had obviously been crying long before Virgil had found him, and it broke his heart in half to think of his best friend going through this alone, "Brain chemistry doesn't stop to think about things like your upbringing. Neither to genetics. You maybe carry a gene for depression, and the triggers to turn that gene on can be minuscule in your eyes. And you can't just turn it back off again. It's hard, I know. But you are so strong, Roman. You're brave, and you're strong. And you're our Princey."

The other boy let out a choked laugh at that, turning fully and hugging Virgil tightly, "Ugh, why do you always know what to say?" He whispered, gripping the psych student's hoodie tightly.

"Do you need to cry, Roman?"

A small nod, and the usually exasperatingly over the top, boisterous actor shattered, burying his face against the other's chest and letting out body-wracking sobs as Virgil entwined their legs and held him tightly. The sobbing only got louder when he heard soft words being whispered into his ear, "Your feelings are valid. Depression spares no one. We are all equally susceptible, regardless of whether we personally think we've earned some unspoken right to it." 

"I-it's just when I think about what you went through! With your dad and then your mom! And all of those foster families and Virge, you're incredible," Roman cried, gripping him tighter, "You... You got in on a scholarship and you're doing so well. And I had a great childhood and I have so many friends and my family are paying for everything... I have no worries at all. No reason to feel this way and I just," he paused, swallowing hard, "Virgil, sometimes I truly hate myself."

Virgil pressed their foreheads together, and now he could feel his eyes burning with unshed tears, "Don't you dare say that. Don't hate yourself because of things you don't have the power to change. No one has the power to change depression. It doesn't work that way. You say I'm doing well? Well, so are you. You still got up! You showered!"

Roman grimaced, letting out a noise of hesitant disagreement, and Virgil couldn't contain his laughter, tucking Roman against him again and resting his chin on top of his head, "You got up, you ate - I know you did because your dishes are still lying there - and you even got dressed. All whilst feeling like the pits of hell. Roman, you're doing great. Today wasn't as outwardly productive, because all of your energy has been focused internally, on fighting your own demons. That doesn't mean it's a waste. Just because there's nothing physical to show for it, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't be proud of what you've achieved."

Eventually the bouts of sobbing stilled along with the tension in Roman's body, leaving him mentally exhausted. His grip on Virgil loosened, his breathing evened out, and he pulled back enough to look his roommate in the eyes, "Thank you. Just, for being here when I'm like this. For talking me through and staying with me. It really helps," he smiled, shifting slowly so he was sitting, and leaning against Virgil's chest when he followed suit, "Can we watch Sleeping Beauty?"

Virgil nodded, "I'll even call for pizza if you want? My treat? We can get one of those brownie/cookie marble cake things and eat the whole thing with spoons." His eyes settled briefly on his abandoned tote and he swore under his breath, grabbing his phone and opening a text from Logan, replying quickly to tell him that he wouldn't make today's meeting. Logan replied almost immediately:

"Whatever you need to do is more important than some art project, Virgil. Look after yourself. I'll see you tomorrow."

"You left your poor nerd stranded in that café, didn't you?" Roman teased, grinning up at him, and Virgil scoffed, opening his mouth to reply multiple times but seeming to second guess his words before settling on lamely muttering, "He's not my nerd..."

"Maybe not yet, my dark prince, but he's already succeeding in stealing you from me!" The actor brought the back of his hand to his forehead dramatically, feigning great distress and anguish. He opened one eye, catching Virgil staring at him with a raised eyebrow, and cracked a smile, wobbling slightly in his position on the uneven surface of the bed, "Okay, okay, Hot Topic, we won't talk about it."

Virgil rolled his eyes, slowly and gently pushing his best friend with one finger until he toppled and fell onto his side, pouting, "Nice to see you getting back to your usual bubbly self, Princey, but don't try and force it, okay? It's fine to not be fine."

Roman glanced away quickly and nodded, the smile turning softer, but it was still there, "Darn, you know me too well. How about that pizza?"

Virgil ruffled his hair and nodded, shifting to lie down next to him and pulling out his phone, "We're ordering Pizza Hut delivery. I hate talking on phones." The actor nodded and shuffled closer, resting his head against Virgil's shoulder and watching in a comfortable silence.

\---

Logan glanced into the art classroom, relieved to see Virgil perched at his desk, leaning over his sketchbook and scribbling, already covered in chalk. He hadn't heard from him all night and would be lying if he said he hadn't been just the slightest bit worried about his partner. The door squeaked slightly as he opened it, and the purple haired boy's head snapped up, that signature lopsided smile spreading across his face and making Logan's heart stutter slightly. He patted the seat next to him and Logan shuffled between seats and bodies to settle down on it. 

He unzipped his bag, taking out a water bottle with the periodic table printed on it, and a pack of painkillers, taking two. He had taken six total now - two every four hours - but so far they hadn't eased the persistent headache even slightly. He supposed perhaps it was a symptom of caffeine withdrawal, having not had enough time once again for his morning coffee.

"I'm uh... Sorry about yesterday. Something came up, and you were right, it was pretty important. But thanks for being so understanding. It really means a lot, Lo," Virgil muttered from next to him, casting a quick glance his way and a little smile. He reached under the desk, pulling out their canvas, which was now an explosion of blacks, blues, pinks, and purples, littered with intricate patterns of stars which, if you looked closely, mapped out music notes, "You asked me to do the galaxy print in the background, so I did. I reckoned you could work some magic on the book though. Your art is much more realistic than mine. It looks like photographs."

Logan took the canvas in his hands, staring at it, "Virgil... This is beautiful. How do you paint like this? It's so expressive!" He turned to see his classmate staring at him, face bright red, shining through even under his usual layer of foundation. From Patton's searches through Virgil's Facebook photos, he had learned that the other boy dabbled in makeup artistry and had even joined the makeup team for a few of the theatre department's smaller productions. The boy was an incredible expressive artist in many forms.

He raised a hand to rub the back of his neck, eyes shifting away from Logan, "It's... Not all that. But thanks. I uh, wanted to make it up to you for not being there yesterday. And Roman loves watching me paint, so he suggested this."

"Ah, yes. Roman is your boyfriend, correct? You two make a lovely couple," Logan commented.

Virgil made a noise akin to choking, eyes widening as they settled on the astronomy student, "Me and Roman?! Where did you get that idea?" He chuckled, growing into a full belly laugh as he leaned back in his stool, almost falling right off of it.

Logan froze as he realised that he had only met Roman a handful of times, and that he had not in fact given him any reason to believe that they were anything but friends. The only solid 'evidence' that he could bring to mind was the photo Patton had shown him, hidden deep within Virgil's tagged photos on his Facebook account, "I-I just assumed," he said without missing a beat, "that given the closeness you two exhibit, and Roman's tendency to be fairly touchy-feely with you, perhaps you were dating."

"We're just close friends," the psych student smirked suddenly, eyeing him suspiciously, "Wait. Were you Facebook stalking me?"

Logan's answering blush, coupled with the way his eyes shifted slightly and his fingers slowly began to fiddle with the hem of his shirt only made the other's smirk widen. He leaned close, nudging the boy's shoulder with his own, "You were, weren't you! Wooow, that's an old photo, Sanders. Freshers week."

"Well, Patton-"

The professor chose that moment to arrive for her class, explaining that there would be a brief presentation for anyone struggling with the project to help inspire them, then she would check each pair's progress before allowing them to leave to work in whichever environment they chose. As she began her PowerPoint, showing some of her favourite works from her last few years of classes. Virgil casually leaned back again, nudging Logan with his elbow and smirking at him still. Logan seriously considered how loud of a noise it would make should he kick the leg of Virgil’s stool just enough to cause him to lose his balance, but settled for pushing him back upright so that all of the legs touched the ground, genuinely worried that his partner could fall and injure himself. And he would have to finish the project alone.

\--- 

Patton glanced over his shoulder slightly as Logan opened the door to their room, checking the time and frowning deeply, “You’re home early. Didn’t Virgil show?” he asked, turning to face his roommate in time to see his legs start to give way as he walked. By the time he was on his feet, the astronomy student had steadied himself, settling then on the edge of his bed.

“No, he showed. We did some work, but I think this headache is showing signs of worsening to a migraine and I didn’t particularly want the poor boy to have to carry me home should it get bad,” Logan explained, digging out another pack of painkillers, having finished the sheet from earlier. He took another two and lay down, arm covering his eyes, though they weren’t exactly light sensitive. He mainly felt waves of nausea coursing through him with the steady worsening of the pressure in his head.

“Are we going to talk about this?” Patton’s tone was stern as he stared down at the younger man.

“What?”

“Logan! It’s been a week already and you nearly fell just there! You need to see a doctor.”

“A doctor? For a headache? Patton, don’t be absurd…” Logan huffed, rolling onto his side and trying to change the subject, “You text earlier about a surprise?”

Though his roommate rolled his eyes, he returned to his desk, rummaging and producing two tickets, “I got us tickets to see the play the theatre department are doing next month! Now, don’t look at me like that. I know you have an appreciation for drama, mister!”

Logan pushed himself upright, resting against his headboard. He rolled his eyes and nodded slightly, “You’re right, I do. Have you seen every play Roman has been in?” he mused, tilting his head inquisitively.

He startled slightly, looking taken aback before letting out a high pitched, forced laugh, "Roman's shows? Pfft! Heh. It's... I don't /like/ him or anything! Why would you even... Logan, I am ashamed of you! Making... Making assumptions!"

“I did no such thing! I merely inquired as to how many of his shows you had seen,” Logan let out a soft chuckle, cutting himself of abruptly and pressing a hand to the back of his head. “The rest was all you, Pat.”

“Oh…” Patton blushed a deep red, burying his face in his hands and sitting back down in his chair, groaning loudly. He peeked out to see Logan watching him with a small smile and a raised eyebrow, “Fiiine, I like him. He’s cute, and he’s funny, and he might be pretty popular, but he’s genuinely nice. But I have no excuse to talk to him.”

“Come to the café with me tomorrow. He always comes to pick Virgil up once he’s finished classes. They have movie marathons pretty much every night. Or sometimes they run lines,” Logan suggested, standing and closing his eyes, taking a moment to let the dizziness pass before pulling his roommate into a hug, “He’d love you. You are just as ridiculously animated and peppy as he is.”

Patton laughed softly, melting into the hug for a moment before gently beginning to walk Logan backwards to his bed again. He pulled back to draw the sheets back and gestured with his eyes for him to sit down. Once he had done as he was told, the zoology student slowly undid his laces and took his shoes off, “You’re in pain. Get some rest and I’ll go and make soup. Sleep if you can and I’ll wake you when it’s ready.”

Logan nodded slightly, letting his head sink into his pillows and trying to ignore the building pressure as he closed his eyes and curled up under the sheets, “Thank you, Pat.”

The latter gave a sad smile, turning the lights out as he opened the door to venture into the hallway, praying his roommate managed to get some sleep and awoke feeling refreshed and free of pain in time for a quick meal. He decided to give him time and cook from scratch, maintaining that homemade soup was the best by far when someone was ill. The following day, he vowed, he would pester the man to see a doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who isn't yet familiar with Collateral Damage, I promise it gets angstier.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil seeks comfort from Logan in a time of need.

The last two weeks of their group project passed all too quickly, with Logan and Virgil's painting winning a prize for best work. As did the rest of their class together, and with no excuse to meet for coffee every day, and the workload from their majors skyrocketing towards the end of the semester, the two hadn't spoken in a few weeks other than the occasional check in on Facebook. Which made this occurrence all the more bizarre.  
   
Logan glanced down at his pocket, feeling his phone vibrating against his leg. He shifted his eyes to his professor before sliding it out to see Virgil's name on his screen. He let it ring out, not wanting to interrupt he class, and realised he already had multiple texts from the purple haired boy. When he called back again within seconds, the astronomy student gathered his belongings and made for the door, explaining that this was an emergency and he would catch up in his own time before leaving and answering his phone.  
   
"Virgil. Is everything okay?" He asked, panicking at the long pause, the way his breathing seemed harsh and rapid. A sharp intake of breath and then he spoke up, voice cracking as he did.  
   
"L-Logan... I-I-I... Roman. He's in rehearsal... I... I didn't know who to call."  
   
"Virgil, where are you? What's wrong?" Logan asked, keeping his voice calm for the boy on the other line, though he was anything but. He had already started walking to the entrance of his building.  
   
"H-humanities. First floor restrooms..."  
   
"I'm on my way. Hang in there, Virgil. You're doing great," he continued to speak softly as he ran, though Virgil wasn't responding anymore he knew he was still there. He could still hear his breathing, shaky and sharp, the occasional sob or whimper, and it broke his heart. He shoved open the door to the restroom and froze, spotting Virgil's signature shirt from where he was sitting, locked in a cubicle with his back pressed to the door. He could see one of his hands, draped over his body, clenching and unclenching as he trembled and sobbed.  
   
"Oh, Virgil..." Logan sighed, settling behind him with his back to the door, scared to touch him in case he startled him more, "I'm right here, okay? I'm not going anywhere. You're going to get through this, and you're going to be fine. And once you do, I'm taking you for hot chocolate and back to see Patton. He'll fuss over you like a child."  
   
A silence fell between them and Logan glanced down as he felt Virgil's fingers cover his. He moved slightly to take his hand and squeeze, gently rubbing his fingers with his own, "You're shaking... Virgil, are you having an anxiety attack right now? If you can't speak, just squeeze my hand, okay?"  
   
Virgil did just that, his movement jerky and sudden, and his grip didn't loosen for a few moments. Logan turned his head to the side, "Okay. I need you to try something for me. Can you do that?" Another squeeze. "Good. Virgil, breathe in deep for four seconds," he listened as the other took a long, deep breath. "Hold it for seven seconds, then breathe out for eight."  
   
Logan smiled to himself as Virgil continued the cycle, counting out the seconds for him quietly before settling into a comfortable silence and feeling the tension leaving Virgil's fingers, his grip loosening, "Well done. You're doing great. I'm so proud of you."  
   
They sat like that for a while longer, Virgil taking deep breaths, regulating his breathing, before Logan felt the hand leave his and the door unlock. He stood, dusting off his cable knit cardigan and turning to see the psych student standing in the door, eyeliner smeared by tear tracks, hair a tangled mess where he had obviously been tugging at it, eyes bright pink and swollen. He held out his arms to Logan, but stood frozen in place, "C-Can I hug you...?"  
   
Logan closed the gap, gently pulling the boy against him and nuzzling against his neck, "Virgil, I'm so proud. That can't be an easy thing to go through and you did so well to pull yourself out of it. You are so strong."  
   
Virgil fell against him then, his legs wobbling and giving out, and Logan gently lowered them back to the floor, holding him as he began sobbing once again, "I messed up, Lo... I had my big presentation for class today and I choked. I-I froze up for I-I-I don't know how long."  
   
"Did you finish the presentation?" Virgil nodded and Logan smiled widely, "That's brilliant! You must have been so anxious up there and you still worked through it and finished regardless?"  
   
"I ran as soon as I finished up," he whispered, voice cracking as he shifted slightly to bring himself closer to Logan.  
   
The astronomy student took a risk then, not caring in the moment what effect it would have on their friendship. He gently hooked an arm under Virgil's knees, the other resting on his back as he shifted him onto his lap. The other boy let out a soft gasp, but instantly moved his arms to get a better, tighter grip on him, burying his face in Logan's hair and continuing to sob softly for a while. Logan kept one arm under his knees, the other rubbing soothing circles on his back.  
   
After a while, Virgil fell silent, and Logan almost thought he had fallen asleep until he shifted slightly, head resting on Logan's shoulder, "Thank you. I-I'm glad I called. Roman tries so hard, but he doesn't know what to do, and in the long run it just upsets him. I was worried I'd ruin whatever this is too, but... Thank you."  
   
Logan moved his hand from his back to his hair, gently stroking it, brushing through the tangles, "You haven't ruined anything with Roman, and you won't with me. Not by asking for help when you need it, Virgil. Do you think you can stand. If you can't, I can carry you back to either my dorm or yours?"  
   
Virgil chuckled, "As much as I would love that, I think it would draw more attention than I can handle right now. Could we go back to your room? I don't think I'm ready to be alone and I haven't seen those dorms yet."  
   
"Of course we can," Logan gently lifted Virgil as he rose to his feet, noting how light the other was, how skinny and delicate his frame felt, before gently placing him back down on his feet. Logan started for the door, glancing back to see Virgil still standing, hesitant. He held out a hand to the other, "Come here. I'm right with you, and I have absolutely no issue with giving you as much contact comfort as you need."  
   
The purple haired boy nodded, taking his hand and instantly tucking himself against Logan's side. The other glanced down at him, carefully wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him closer as they began the short walk back to the dorm.  
   
\---  
   
Roman hesitated, standing outside the theatre department. He was already running late, having been unable to drag himself from bed for the longest time, and his hair was sticking up in every direction, matted at the back of his head slightly from having slept on it. He hadn't bothered with his usual attire, pulling on an old Les Miserables t-shirt and his Wicked hoodie, along with some old jeans which were fraying at the left knee, and old sneakers.  
   
He pulled his hood over his head and sighed. His understudy would get to fill in for him in rehearsals, at least. Perhaps they would realise that the younger boy deserved the role more. He had shown up to all of his classes. He worked hard. And yet Roman kept being given roles he didn't deserve.   
   
He lowered his hand from the door handle, turning and pulling his phone from his pocket before remembering Virgil's presentation. He couldn't interrupt him during something so integral to his education. So instead he just began walking with no destination in mind, barely seeing the sun, barely feeling the warmth. He felt numb, the world seemed devoid of light and song. He ducked his head, trying to avoid eye contact, not wanting to be recognised whilst looking such a royal mess.  
   
Eventually, Roman found himself settled in the hallway outside a certain zoology student’s dorm room. He had been formally introduced to Patton Hart over a month previous by Virgil’s art project partner and had recognised him instantly as the smiling face in the front row of every one of his shows. He had seen him time and time again at after parties hosted by the cast, but had never found the right excuse to speak to him. He faced the door, finger hesitating by the doorbell when a familiar voice behind him startled him.  
   
“Hey, Roman. Don’t you have rehearsals today?” Patton stood, carrying a bag full of basic ingredients, head tilted slightly as he watched him in concern, “You look so pale! Roman, come in. Sit down.”  
   
Patton gently nudged past him to open the door to the dorm block, ushering him inside and heading to the shared kitchen to drop off his groceries before returning to his side and slowly guiding him into his and Logan’s room. He took the boy’s bag from him, settling it down on his desk chair and fussing over the actor. He felt his forehead first, then checked his throat, “Are you sick? You feel okay physically. But do you feel sick, Ro? It’s so unlike you to miss rehearsals.”  
   
Roman’s face must have visibly fallen as he looked down, because Patton was suddenly on his knees in front of him, trying to meet the other boy’s eyes, “Hey, look at me, okay? Roman, I’m more worried about you than I am about your performance, if that’s what you’re thinking. I love your shows, you know that. But I care so, so much more about your wellbeing. Can you tell me what’s wrong?”  
   
A long pause, and Roman hid his face again, hair falling in front of his eyes. His fists clenched where they lay on his thighs, tiny droplets falling onto them as his shoulders began to shake. The zoology student moved to sit beside him, pulling him into his arms, “It’s okay, kiddo. You can talk to me. I won’t judge you.”  
   
Roman nodded, throwing his arm around Patton and nuzzling against his neck, head on his shoulder. He stayed that way for a long moment before finally speaking up, “I-I couldn’t go in, Pat. I couldn’t go in and act like everything is okay, and then throw another role on top of that. It’s exhausting. S-sometimes I just feel so…”  
   
“Hopeless?”  
   
Roman nodded, sitting up to look at Patton, “Hopeless. I-I just want to go a full week liking who I am, feeling confident in my abilities. The way I did every time I saw you at my shows, Patton. Every time I looked down and I saw you smiling up at me, I felt as though I could take on not only my depression, but an entire world of demons. Physical or otherwise.”   
   
By the end of his speech, Patton’s eyes shone with tears as well, but his were accompanied by a small smile. He gently brushed his fingers through the other’s hair, teasing out the tangles and fixing it into place before pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead, “Don't you see? You already do! Roman, you're doing so well, sweetie. I'm so proud of you. And even more so for telling me. It can't be easy. I'm here for you, I promise. Whatever you need, and whenever you need it. You can depend on me, because I care more about you than you know. I-I have done since before I knew you. I wanted to talk to you, but if I'm honest, I didn't think someone like you would want to. You always seemed so cool and popular and I've never been that."

Roman stared at Patton for a moment in silence, their faces so close they almost touched, and he closed the distance hesitantly for once. When the other boy didn't immediately reciprocate, he tried to pull away, only to feel a hand catch the back of his head, pulling him back, and immediately his own hands were at the small of Patton's back, pressing gently, hips shifting to allow them to be closer together. He felt Patton smile into the kiss and pulled back slightly so that their lips still blushed, letting out a low chuckle, "What...?"

“I’m sorry, I’m just so happy,” the zoology student whispered, leaning back in to peck his lips again, “This is what I’ve wanted for over a year, Ro. I’ve had a crush on you for over a year and I thought it was hopeless, but here we are.”

“Was that some clever way of reminding me that things may seem hopeless but you can never say for sure?” Roman chuckled, turning to a squeak and a giggle as the other boy gently pushed him to lie down on the bed, kissing him again, slow and sweet and gentle. 

They lay for some time before Roman broke the kiss to snuggle against his shoulder, and it took a moment before Patton realised he was crying again. He held him tightly, rubbing soothing circles on his back, “Shhh, it’s okay. What’s wrong?”

“J-Just… What did I do to deserve someone like you?” Roman sobbed, and Patton held him closer still, kissing his hair.

“You were yourself. That’s all you ever have to be,” he whispered, and eventually Roman’s crying subsided as he continued tracing his gentle patterns, his breathing evened out and slowed, and Patton lay there still. He held the sleeping man gently, kissing the tears from his cheeks, rubbing away the tracks with a thumb, “I have loved you since I saw how passionate and kind you were, and I love you more now…” He didn’t care that Roman couldn’t hear him, and perhaps it was for the best to leave those confessions for another day.

\---  
   
Patton turned as he heard Logan's voice from the hall, hurrying out and stopping dead as he noticed Virgil as well, tucked against his roommate, looking smaller than ever. "Virgil, kiddo. What's wrong?"   
   
"He's had a rough day, Patton. Finals. I was going to let him sit with us for a while before he goes home," Logan responded after a few moments of silence and a wide-eyed glance from the psych student at his side. He dropped his arm from around him, but made sure their fingers still brushed.  
   
"Of course you can! But," he cut himself off, blushing furiously, "Would you mind coming into the kitchen? Roman is sleeping. He missed rehearsals this morning and he was sitting in the hall when I came back. I've only just managed to get him to rest."  
   
Virgil gripped at Logan's hand again, squeezing tightly, and the other turned to face him in concern, "Roman? I-Is he okay? I should have been there for him, and all this time I've been worrying about myse-"  
   
Logan turned him so they were face to face, cupping Virgil's cheeks and shocking him so much that he lost his train of thought and just stared, "Listen, Virge. I'll admit that I do not understand Roman's situation, but you cannot blame yourself for something you knew nothing of. He was here with Patton. He was in good hands.”

Virgil nodded slightly, still slightly wide-eyed and raccoon-like. He glanced to Patton, the older boy nodding back, and took a deep breath, falling into Logan’s arms again and relaxing instantly as the astronomy student’s own came down around him. A few more deep breaths and he let his arms fall, stepping back to look between the two of them, “Thank you,” he whispered, giving a weak smile, and Patton wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“I made a whole batch of cupcakes while Ro was sleeping. Do you think you can help me decorate them?” he asked, grinning.

Virgil chewed on the inside of his cheek, “I guess, but I-I might mess it up. Ruin your work.”

“You could never mess it up! Everything you do is art, Virgil, because you created it!” he squealed excitedly, looping their arms together and dragging Virgil with him to the kitchen with Logan following behind, rolling his eyes at his roommate. Inside the kitchen were a few dozen cupcakes, some chocolate and some vanilla, and Patton smiled sheepishly, “I got a bit carried away… So I need some extra pairs of hands!”

The tension in Virgil’s shoulders seemed to ease slightly at the man’s enthusiasm, “Hey, Patton? Do you have any food colouring? I have an idea.”

Patton nodded, pulling out a handful of gel colours and passing them to Virgil, “I already made the frosting, so just do you, Virge! Do you want any help?”

The anxious boy shook his head, already separating the frosting into smaller bowls and mixing in the colours. “Do you have piping bags? Maybe some dotting tools?” he asked, and Patton pulled out a small pile of cheap disposable piping bags, some metal tips, and a few cake decorating tools he had picked up whilst trying to make cakes for people on campus for some extra cash, and handed them to him before settling with Logan at the dining table to watch him work.

He laid down base colours of blue and yellow first, dipping the tools into other colours and making short little strokes, swirling and spiralling. Logan smiled fondly, recognising the style of art and the color palette almost instantly, and nudged Patton’s side, “This is going to blow you away, I assure you. Virgil is a talented artist.”

Patton tilted his head, “I have no idea what they are, but they’re so pretty!”

Virgil continued like that, intricately mixing the colours together on each cake, creating new ones as they were required, and setting each cake down with a smirk and a knowing look directed to Logan. The other was too fond of art not to have realised what he was doing by now. As he finished the last cake, he stepped back and nodded his head to Patton, “Can you help me arrange these on the table?”

The zoology student nodded, standing and picking up the first cake Virgil pointed to, then the next, laying them out lengthwise along the table. “Okay, this one starts a new row under the other,” the purple haired boy grinned, and Logan swore he saw him dance a little on his feet. A few more rows followed, and as Patton laid down the last one, he gasped loudly, covering his mouth with his hands. Before him sat a beautiful rendition of Van Gogh’s ‘Starry Night’, and the sight brought tears to his eyes.

“Virgil, this is amazing! How did you do that without laying them all out next to each other?” he whispered, glancing between him and his smirking roommate.

Logan stood, making his way to the other two, wanting to admire Virgil’s work from a better angle. He snapped a few photos on his phone, “Patton is correct. This truly is remarkable. You have incredible talent.”

Virgil blushed a deep scarlet at the praise, shifting awkwardly on his feet and instinctively gripping Logan’s sleeve, “It’s no big deal, really? I mean, it’s not perfect. I couldn’t get the colors right, and the texture isn’t really at all like paint…”

Patton pulled him into a tight hug, bouncing and squealing, “You’re so talented! Thank you for doing this, Virge! Really left an impressionism on me.”

Logan groaned loudly, “It’s… It’s impression, Pat. Impressionism makes no sense in that context. I. I can’t with you sometimes.”

Virgil stifled a laugh at their bickering, still holding Patton, patting his back every now and then, unsure of how long the interaction would last but not minding too much, “If you can’t handle it, Logan, you could always Van Gogh to your room.”

“Virgil! That’s not even the correct pronunciation,” Logan sighed, rubbing his temples, “It’s okay, Logan. Just remember that you love them…”

Patton leaned in close to Virgil, muttering, still loud enough for Logan to hear, “He said he loves us.”

Virgil smirked, muttering back at the same volume, “I know. Do you think his AI is evolving?”

“I can still hear you!”

The group turned to the door at the sound of someone clearing their throat, eyes falling on Roman. His usually perfect hair was once again a complete mess, and he seemed to be struggling to keep his eyes open, still squinting against the light, “I am trying to get my beauty sleep, so I would appreciate if you kept the volume Vincent Van Low,” he huffed, startling entirely out of his half-sleep as the room erupted into laughter.

\---

Both Roman and Virgil had stayed for dinner in their dorm room, watching a movie on Logan’s PC monitor as they ate. And as they left, Virgil and Logan looked on wide-eyed as Roman turned to leave, then spun on his heel, gently gripped Patton’s chin and leaned in for a short yet passionate kiss.

Logan had drilled his roommate for details, enquiring as to what he had been doing in Patton’s bed. Having ensured that the other was not in fact being taken advantage of for his kindness, he congratulated him wholeheartedly and settled down to listen for the next half hour about how incredible Roman was, and how great a kisser he was, and how when he was shocked he squeaked, and it was adorable. And though he rolled his eyes and feigned disinterest, he couldn’t help but smile at the sheer adoration in the boy’s eyes.

“Pat, come on. We better clean up the dishes. You have classes tomorrow morning, after all,” Logan eventually cut in, standing and holding out a hand to tug him, begrudgingly, to his feet. He whined, but relented, heading to the door and holding it open for Logan, who thanked him in turn and ushered him down the hallway, beginning to run the hot water, “You wash tonight, I’ll dry and put them away.”

Patton nodded, adding soap to the water and beginning to scrub at the dirty dishes, passing them to Logan or setting them at the side of the sink as he did. He hummed under his breath, dancing a little on the spot, so lost in thoughts of his and Roman’s first date and what they could do that he didn’t notice his roommate’s pained expression, nor the way his grip slackened on the plate. He didn’t notice anything off until the plate smashed into pieces against the floor, and he spun just in time to see Logan’s balance fail him, body leaning to one side and feet stumbling slightly before he crashed down after it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you. Angst. And more to come.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Roman plan a double date.

“Logan!” Patton cried, instantly dropping the dish he had been washing back into the water and rushing to his roommate’s side. Logan had managed to catch himself with one forearm just before his head had a chance to hit the ground, the palm of his other hand flat underneath him, elbow having been bent too much to be able to help stop his fall. The zoology student gently coaxed him into a sitting position, checking him over and grabbing a first aid kit as he noticed the scrapes and cuts on his hands and forearm from tiny shards of ceramic. He worked in a frantic silence, watching the boy in concern for any sign that he might fall again, but he seemed more alert, merely in a state of shock at this point.

Patton carefully crouched in front of his friend, “Logan, can you tell me what happened there?” he asked softly, beginning to pick small shards from his hand and arm with a pair of tweezers. Thankfully, most had just scratched him, and the cuts weren’t too deep in many places.

“Patton, I assure you, it’s nothing to worry about. My head hurt, and I lost my footing. Perhaps another migraine coming on,” Logan replied, hissing as Patton removed one of the longer shards from his hand.

Sighing, the older boy shook his head, grabbing a cotton ball and some disinfectant to clean the wounds and wipe away the spots of blood, “Logan, it’s been over two months now. You need to see a doctor about the headaches!”

“They’re headaches, Patton! I refuse to be laughed out of a doctor’s office for indulging in your unwarranted paranoia,” Logan snapped, taking a deep breath and sitting back as the other flinched back slightly. He gave his hand a gentle squeeze, “Pat, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. But there is no need to worry. I’m fine.”

Patton forced the smile back onto his face and continued cleaning Logan up before wrapping his hands and forearm in gauze, “If you say so, but just… Please get checked out if they keep getting worse, okay? Promise me.”

Logan sighed and nodded, with no intention of keeping that promise. He allowed his roommate to tie off the wrappings before standing shakily to get a dustpan and brush to clean the mess he had made. Within seconds, Patton was at his side, gripping his sleeve, “Let me do that. Please go to bed. Get some rest. I don’t want you to hurt yourself again.”

He knew better than to say no to such a request and conceded the items to the zoology student, “Thank you, Patton. I may not show it, but I care very deeply about you, and I appreciate your concern.”

Patton smiled as Logan turned to leave the room, before sweeping up the pieces of shattered plate and washing and drying their remaining dishes, trying not to worry for his best friend’s health too much.  
\---  
With Roman and Patton officially dating, movie nights became a common occurrence within both dorms, with Virgil occasionally being dragged to Patton and Logan’s unwillingly. He would, however, quickly settle beside Logan on his bed, and more than once, the astronomy student had looked over to him quickly enough to catch his eyes flick away or his hair sway as it caught up to the turn of his head.

Their relationship had certainly changed since the day Logan had cradled him, sobbing, in the restrooms in Humanities, though perhaps not as much as he would have hoped. Though fairly certain the chemistry between them was mutual, he was unwilling to risk the bond between them for something so selfish, especially when Virgil looked to him constantly for comfort in times of distress. So when Patton had approached him with the suggestion of a double dinner date with a movie afterwards, he had politely declined.

“Aww, but Logan! I’ve never gotten to do the whole double date thing with friends! You don’t have to call yourselves a couple, just tag along and have a good time!” he had pleaded, and the look of utter longing in his eyes, the way he held his clasped hands up to his smiling face and stared at him like a puppy…

Logan groaned loudly, rolling his eyes and looking away, “Fine… If you can convince Virgil to go, I’ll come too. But don’t force him, okay?”

Patton squealed, jumping up and down repeatedly before launching at his roommate and enveloping him in a tight hug, “Thank you, Logan! I promise it’ll be so much fun. No third wheels, just a bunch of friends enjoying each other’s company!”

Logan awkwardly pet his roommate’s head, “Yes, Patton. If you say so, I am sure it will be wonderful…”  
\---  
Virgil, however, had been much harder to persuade. Roman had first broached the subject to him whilst the psychology student helped him run lines, and the utter confusion on the purple haired boy’s face as he deviated from his lines to ask, “Double date with me, Pat, and Logan next weekend?” had him stifling a laugh.

“What? Roman, we’re just friends. No,” he had stuttered, face turning a deep red, more visible with the lack of makeup.

Roman sighed, gripping his friend’s hands and pulling him up to meet him half way as he leaned in and exclaimed, “But you want to be more than friends, don’t you?! You barely even watch any of the films we put on when he’s around, Virge!”

Virgil pulled his hands back, tugging the sleeves of his hoodie over his palms and sinking back to settle on his knees again, “So what if I do? It won’t change the fact that he probably doesn’t see me as anything but a friend. I mean, this is Logan. He’s so collected and independent. And I’m just… Clingy.”

“But if you just come-“

“No, Roman. End of discussion!”

And so the actor closed his mouth again, but he refused to drop the topic. The following morning as they were leaving for class together for once, Roman decided to wake their entire dorm, leaving his roommate mortified at the sharp shushes and groans from the other rooms. The exuberant boy flung his arms around Virgil’s waist, holding him tightly, “Please come with us?”

“No, Roman!”

“Please. Please. Please…” his mantra continued out into the hall, out of the building, and to the Humanities building before Virgil pulled the other’s arms off from around his waist, spinning to face him. Roman took a step back.  
“Look, Ro! I have a good thing with Logan. He’s comfortable enough with me to be able to touch me and hold me if I need it and I am not ruining that for the sake of some stupid double date!” he snapped, storming into the building and leaving Roman speechless, staring after him.

At that point, Virgil assumed the conversation was null and void. Princey came to pick him up after his last class, they grabbed to-go coffee and made their way back to their room, ran lines, and put on a film to watch whilst eating instant ramen and cheap glazed doughnuts. Regardless, the air between them held slight tension, and Roman had been uncharacteristically quiet and reserved.

“Listen, Roman. I’m sorry I yelled at you this morning-“

“No, no. I’m sorry, Virgil. I never meant to make you feel trapped or uncomfortable, and if it came across that way, I am deeply sorry. However, if it eases your mind at all, Patton informed me that Logan has already agreed?”

Virgil blinked a few times at that, brows lowered quizzically, “You mean, Logan is okay with this? He agreed to go?” he asked, trying to ignore the fluttery feeling that overcame him, brushing off the astronomy student’s acceptance as loyalty to his friend. He straightened, eyes shifting, and gave a little shrug, “Well, uh. That’s cool, I guess. If he’s okay with it…”

“So you’ll come?” Roman grinned, shifting slightly to face him. Without waiting for a response, he let out an excited squeal, pulling his phone from his pocket and texting furiously, “Patton will be thrilled! I promise you, Virgil, you will not regret this! Get ready for the night of your life!”

“It’s… Dinner and a movie, Roman?”

“Yes, but dinner and a movie with yours truly! What could be better?”

Virgil huffed out a laugh, shoving at his friend’s shoulder and rolling his eyes. Unsuspecting, Roman let out a shriek as he lost his balance and toppled sideways, glaring up at the other from the floor but relaxing into a fond smile as his roommate burst into a rare, uncontrollable laughter at his expression.  
\---  
At several points during the following week, Logan had reconsidered his answer and tried to back out of the dinner date. However, each time Patton’s pouting, or his pleading, or his reminders that Virgil had already agreed to tag along would make him relent. It was thanks to that fact that the two of them now stood outside the restaurant, freezing cold and hungry, waiting for their friends to show.

“How can you be this late to a dinner date next to campus. It’s hardly a long walk!” Logan muttered, breathing into his cupped hands and rubbing them together for warmth. “If time equals distance over speed, they must be moving at less than a quarter of a mile an hour; an infuriating pace not only for yourself but also for any passers-by.”

Virgil snorted, gently nudging his friend with his elbow, “Chill out, specs. Maybe something came up,” he chuckled, hands shoved deep in his pockets, when he felt the gentle vibration of his phone and pulled it out to a text from Roman. At almost the exact same time, Logan’s phone buzzed with one from Patton.

“They’re not coming,” Logan muttered through clenched teeth, raising and lowering his eyebrows, “But it seems they had the foresight to change the booking to my name and pay for our meal in advance. Virgil, I believe we’ve been set up.”

Virgil looked up from his own phone, eyes wide, “I-I take it you just want to head back home?”

Logan gave a small smile, his gaze softening as it landed on Virgil, “If you want to. However, it would be a waste of a prepaid meal. If you’re okay with this, then so am I.”

The psychology student shifted on the spot, giving his signature lopsided smile before nodding in response and heading into the building. Their table was situated towards the back of the building, by the window. From here the music was quiet enough to hear each other easily, and the lighting soft and warm. Logan pulled Virgil’s chair out for him, taking his leather jacket and draping it over the back, “I imagine this candlelit setting was Roman’s doing.”

Virgil settled down, hiding his blush behind a sheet of purple, “I’d say so. He eats this sort of stuff up. But… You have to admit, it’s a really nice place.”

Logan settled into his own seat, noticing Virgil’s discomfort and reaching out to tug his sleeve in reassurance, “Of course it is. And the food is marvellous, Virgil. Have you never been before?”

He shook his head, opening his mouth to reply when a waiter arrived to take their drinks orders. He left to collect them, giving the two time to look over the Italian themed menu. As Virgil flicked right to the page of pizzas, he relaxed slightly, explaining the new topic of conformity that he had begun in class, "A study by Solomon Asch in 1951 showed that around 35% of participants give the wrong answer to simple questions when the rest of the group do.”

"Preposterous. If I know that my answer is the correct one, I am going to say it regardless, and the others can kiss my ass," Logan deadpanned, glancing up from his own menu.

Virgil stifled a laugh and shook his head, "To be fair, I did my own research and when it was later replicated, barely any of their participants conformed at all. What about Milgram? Conformity in the face of authority?"

Logan held on to Virgil's every word as he detailed the methods and findings of the Milgram experiment, only realising he had been staring when he caught the other blush, his words trailing off. "Wh-what's wrong? Are you bored? I can stop talking, if you like? We can change the subject. Let's change the subj-"

"Virgil! I'm not bored. I was merely transfixed by the way your eyes lit up as you spoke. You are truly passionate about psychology, and it translates in your voice. You could hold the attention of an entire conference," he explained, instantly regretting his words as the other looked up to stare at him now. He didn't get a chance to rectify his words as the waiter returned with their drinks. He took their orders quickly, then left them to pick up where the conversation had died off.

After a few moments of silence, Logan cleared his throat, “So! Winter break is coming up. Are you going home to your parents?” Virgil’s face seemed to fall at the words, and Logan cursed himself inwardly, frantically going over what he had said, searching for some alternate meaning or some hidden bite he hadn’t intended, when the purple haired boy finally spoke up.

“I actually don’t know what I’m doing this year. I,” he sighed, looking out the window at the lights of passing cars and the hurried pace of pedestrians. “I don’t have parents. My dad died when I was young, mom’s in jail. I mean, the Blacks are my foster family, and I know they’d have me in an instant -heck, they already invited me- but I don’t want to impose anymore. They have a new foster kid, living in my old room. It’d just feel weird. I love them. I really do. And I know how much they care about me, but-“

“Virgil, I think you should go. They may not be blood, but they’re your family, aren’t they?” Logan said softly, reaching across the table to cover Virgil’s clenched fist with his hand. The other boy looked around at the sudden contact and Logan caught his eyes, “Aren’t they?”

He nodded, “Closest thing I’ve ever had to one. But-“

“No buts. You wouldn’t be imposing on them, Virgil. They’re your family,” Logan gently squeezed his hand, “The fact that they asked you to go back home only proves that they care.”

Virgil nodded slightly, sighing and sitting back in his seat, “Ugh, why are you always right?” he groaned, running his hands through his hair and smiling at the other student, “Seriously though, thanks Logan. For listening and letting me open up to you, and for calling me out on my own stupid thoughts.”

“I’ve told you already, you can tell me anything and I will listen, I will not judge you, and though I will admit that my advice can be fairly horrendous, I will at least try to help,” he sat back himself, ignoring the way his heart fluttered in his chest at the sight of that smile, at the fact that he had caused it. Darn, this boy would drive him insane. He shuffled in his seat, eyes shifting around the room before settling back on the psychology student, and he made the executive decision to express his feelings before they consumed him and drove him to madness. “Virgil, I-“

“Your appetisers,” the waiter smiled, placing the plates down in front of them, and though Logan knew the toils of working as wait staff, he felt like screaming. They thanked him for their food and Virgil immediately started eating.

“I haven’t eaten since breakfast in anticipation of this, Lo. You have no idea how hungry I am!”

Logan chuckled, making small talk as they ate, but his moment of confidence was over, and his feelings for the other remained unspoken.  
\---  
Virgil sat back after consuming half of a brownie with ice cream and whined, staring at it, but unable to finish. The astronomy student rolled his eyes affectionately, sipping at a cappuccino, “You remind me of Pat. If you can’t finish it, don’t force yourself. Trust me, you’ll make yourself sick. Shall we see if we have anything to add to the bill?”

Regardless of Logan’s warning, the purple haired boy took one more bite, nodding his head. He scooped up a little more, holding his spoon out to his friend, “Dude, you need to try this. You’ll regret it.”

Logan rolled his eyes, in the moment not realising that Virgil probably meant for him to take the spoon from him. He leaned forward, allowing the boy to feed him from his spoon and looking up to the most adorable, flustered look he had ever been given. Not wanting to embarrass him any more than he already had, Logan sat up, pushing his glasses back up his nose, “You’re right. That is a good brownie. I’ll have to invite you to try Patton’s the next time he makes them, however. I think he may be their biggest rival.”

The next time a waiter passed, Logan smiled, made eye contact, and called out, “Pardon me. We were wondering if we had anything to add to the bill.”

He shook his head, “No, no. Not at all. Your friends tipped quite heavily. They only asked that we give you two something before you leave. One moment please.”

Virgil groaned, pulling his hood up over his head and fiddling with the strings, “I swear to all that is good and pure in this world if anyone sings, I will scream.”

“Now, Virgil. Don’t shoot the messenger. If we’re going to scream at anyone, it will be Roman and Patton, promptly after dinner is over.”

The waiter returned, handing two tickets to Logan for a new horror film showing in the movie theatre a few blocks away. He stared at them in confusion for a moment, “Um. Thank you,” he said, inclining his head to the staff member politely. Patton knew he hated horror films for their faulty logic and just overall lack of believability. Perhaps Virgil enjoyed them. 

As the waiter excused himself, wishing them a good evening, Logan stood and helped the purple haired boy with his jacket before pulling on his own and looping his scarf around his neck, “They left us tickets to see a movie, if you’re interested, that is.”

Virgil shrugged his shoulders, guiding Logan out into the chill night air, “Why not? I mean, it’s paid for, isn’t it? Be a shame to waste the tickets.” He gently nudged the other with his shoulder, starting in the direction of the movie theatre, “Will you get me popcorn?”

“You can’t possibly still be hungry,” Logan chuckled, “Perhaps I could just get you popcorn for our next movie night, once your stomach has sufficiently emptied and you are able to consume it without getting sick? However, I will buy you a drink, if you wish.”

“Well, I suppose I could settle for a cola,” Virgil mused, smirking over at Logan, who rolled his eyes and huffed out a laugh in response, the two falling into a comfortable silence as they made their way to the movie theatre.

Logan held up on his agreement to buy Virgil a drink. However, when faced with the choice he instead opted for a slushie, and Logan could swear he heard him humming the tune to ‘Freeze Your Brain’ as they walked to their screen and took their seats. Their friends had truly outdone themselves, even booking them the luxury seating. He made a mental note to thank both Patton and Roman in turn once they got home.

As they waited for the ads to start, Virgil told him of his roommate’s crazy antics. One of his most impulsive seemed to be waking the psychology major at 3am to announce that he had booked an entire trip for the two of them to New York to see some Broadway shows and put all of the expenses on his credit card. The incident which Patton had relayed to him also came up, though Virgil had been with him until the point at which he had decided to give the town’s residents a one-man show, and had been rudely awakened a while later to collect Roman from the police station.

The lights dimmed and the two boys fell silent, only leaning over to point out films they thought looked good and making silent plans to see them together once they came out. Once the feature’s title appeared on screen, Virgil turned to Logan, eyes wide, “Wait. Is this that horror thing?”

“Yes. Are you okay with that, Virgil?”

The purple haired boy nodded, sinking back into his seat at the shushes from other audience members and watching in silence. The film didn’t start off too bad. It was a fairly stereotypical setting, with a typical white American family consisting of a mom, dad, and a couple young kids moving into a new house. A house which looked particularly creepy to begin with, but which this family did not seem to care about.

The first time the music changed, eerie and slowly growing in volume as the mom, home alone, reached out to a curtain with a mysterious shape in it, Virgil prepared himself, tensing up pre-emptively and anticipating the jump scare. She pulled the curtain back to reveal nothing, and he relaxed, only to jump and curl in on himself as she spun on her heel and crashed into her husband, the music loud and sudden.

He glanced over to Logan, who sat watching the screen blankly, in utter boredom, and straightened in his seat once again.

Once the real paranormal activity began, Virgil found himself watching the film through his fingers, and at one particular scare, gripping Logan’s cardigan and burying his face against his shoulder. Logan had wrapped an arm around his waist then, leaning in close and whispering, “If this is too much, we can leave,” and though he didn’t want to ruin the other’s experience, he found himself nodding.

He felt his feet moving but had no knowledge of doing so, only coming back into himself once they were outside, the air biting at his cheeks, and Logan’s face close to his, cupping his cheeks as he casually ripped apart each moment of the film, telling him about all of the costume make up, the CGI, showing him photographs of the actors who played the roles of the ghosts and ghouls in the franchise. Virgil took a deep breath, shaking his head, “Logan, I’m so sorry. I-I know it’s not real, but the jump scares get my heart racing a-and-“

“Nothing to be sorry about, Virgil. I don’t particularly enjoy the horror genre anyway,” Logan smiled, beginning to guide him back towards campus, a hand on the small of his back, allowing the boy to tuck himself close against him, “I had a wonderful night, and I would rather it end on a similar note than with someone I care about deeply in distress.”

“Thanks, Logan,” Virgil whispered, eyes shifting to the ground and a sweet smile spreading across his face, “I-I really appreciate it.”

Once they reached the dormitory buildings, they stopped walking, shifting to face each other. Logan stood for a moment, unsure of what to say, and Virgil shifted on his feet, staring between the astronomy major and the grass behind him. 

“I had fun tonight, Virgil. Regardless of whether it was a set-up or not, it was a lovely evening, and not many people can get me to leave my room at the weekend,” Logan eventually said, looking up to try and meet Virgil’s gaze.

“I… I really enjoyed myself as well, Lo. Even if I did panic back there at a curtain in a film,” Virgil chuckled, eyes fixing on Logan’s chest. He stepped forward, gently moving the other boy’s scarf so that it sat more naturally, before patting him there, “There we go. Much better. Now you don’t look like we left in a hurry.”

And he did something then. Something that Logan had never once associated with his cool demeanour; he giggled. Logan locked eyes with him and Virgil fell silent, the two standing transfixed for a moment before the astronomy student finally took the leap he had been contemplating all night, leaning closer, their lips brushing in a barely there kiss. Virgil took in a sharp intake of air and, assuming he had done something wrong, Logan began to step away. 

Catching him by the scarf, Virgil pulled him back, his answering kiss a little firmer, but still soft and hesitant. Logan’s hands found his waist then and he draped his own arms over his shoulders, allowing himself to be drawn closer to his crush. When they finally pulled away for air, their breath turning to steam against the cold winter air, they stood still, gazing into each other’s eyes and grinning stupidly for what felt like a comfortable eternity. The kind of eternity you would be content to live in.

Eventually, Logan broke the silence once more, brushing Virgil’s hair from his eyes, “I’m not sure I’m ready for this night to be over yet.”

“And we never even got to see a full movie…” Virgil responded, leaning in to peck his lips once more, “Plus, Patton and Roman are probably still in my dorm. Will be for a while.”

“That is very plausible. Would you say no to ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’? I think I may even have a bag of microwave popcorn. We could watch that, and I’ll walk you to your dorm once it’s finished.”

“That sounds great, Lo. I-I’d really like that.”  
\---  
Patton slid his key into the lock on their bedroom door, slipping in and gently placing his bag on the floor next to his bed, “Sorry I’m so late, Lo. Have you seen-“ he cut himself off as he turned to see his roommate, asleep. Virgil lay half beside him and half on top of him, their legs twined together beneath the sheets, his head on Logan’s chest. His roommate’s arm kept him tucked in place, looped around his waist protectively. Both still wore the clothing they had been earlier that day, and the movie played on in the background.

He smiled broadly, quietly snapping a photo of the two to send to Roman. He felt his phone vibrate in his hand and left the room, making it to the kitchen before answering the call from his own boyfriend to squeal and gush over their friends finally getting together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some fluff, anyone?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan decides to share one of his favourite hobbies with Virgil.

As Logan left the lecture theatre, downing two pills with a gulp of water, his gaze landed on Virgil. The purple haired boy leaned against the opposite wall, gloved hands tucked into the pockets of his leather jacket and a thick purple tartan scarf wrapped around his neck. He smiled fondly, giving a little wave, and his boyfriend broke his nonchalant façade, a grin spreading across his face and arms opening wide. The astronomy student gladly complied, drawing him into his arms and tilting the boy’s head up slightly to press a gentle kiss to his lips as his thumb grazed his cheek.

Virgil hummed contently, playing with the hair at the nape of Logan’s neck, twirling strands around his finger. He leaned back, gazing up into his eyes, “So, Starman, fancy a coffee with me?” he asked in a soft purr, leaning back in for another quick kiss.

“Starman?” Logan asked, raising an eyebrow, “That’s new.”

He slowly let go of Virgil’s waist, opting to take his hand instead as they walked, and his boyfriend tucked himself against his side, head resting against his shoulder. He had learned over the past week that the boy was incredibly affectionate, and though he himself wasn’t generally fond of excessive physical contact, somehow the psychology student seemed to be an exception.

“How are you feeling today?” he asked, turning his head to press a kiss to the top of his head.

“I’m okay. I have an assignment due soon, so I’ll admit, I’m a little stressed about that,” Virgil answered, adding quickly, “But the anxiety isn’t bad. You don’t have to keep me on that caffeine ban.”

Having sat with the psych student through another panic attack partially triggered by caffeine-induced heart palpitations, Logan had taken to buying him hot chocolates instead of his usual mocha whenever they stopped in the campus café for a drink. He squeezed Virgil’s hand, tucking it into his own jacket pocket as they left stepped outside, “Alright, it’s entirely up to you what you drink. I merely worry for your health.”

Rolling his eyes, Virgil got up on his tiptoes to kiss Logan’s cheek, “I’m perfectly healthy, Lo. No worries,” he assured him, walking with the other in silence for the rest of their short journey.

When they arrived in at the café, Logan ordered his usual Americano, and the purple haired boy opted for their seasonal salted caramel mocha. They settled to the side, awaiting their drinks, and Virgil finally eyed the corner of blanket sticking out of the other’s bag, “So, what are we even doing tonight. You just said ‘date night’, but you never actually explained the date.”

“It’s… Fairly trivial, and I apologise for that. However, I think I’ll keep it a surprise for now,” Logan smirked, taking his drink from the barista and thanking her, also taking his boyfriend’s and handing it to the confused looking boy. He jerked his head to the door, signalling for Virgil to follow him again, and smiled when he felt him grabbing at his sleeve. The astronomy student slowly led him from the building, heading off campus to their secret destination.

Virgil jogged to catch up to him properly, settling at a fast pace at his side, still gripping his sleeve, “Can you just tell me why we need a blanket. We’re not camping, are we? I have a morning class.”

“With only a blanket? I should hope not! You’ll just have to wait and see,” Logan chuckled, nudging his ribs gently.

They walked for a few minutes longer before reaching a quiet park. The sun had long since set and darkness had begun to fall on the cold winter day, a few stars almost visible to the east. Due to the temperature, the land was almost empty save for one or two dog owners and their pets, and Logan chose a quiet, open spot of grass to lay down the blanket before settling on it and patting the spot next to him.

The psych student complied, settling down and sipping what was left of his mocha, “Are we having a picnic?” he asked, tilting his head quizzically.

Logan shook his head, “No, nothing like that. One of my favourite things to do is to just lie down somewhere quiet and dark outside and stargaze. I wanted to share that with you,” he muttered, already gazing off to the east, where the stars were rising in the gathering dark.

Virgil felt his cheeks heat, and he turned to look at the other boy, smiling fondly at the wonder in his eyes. So this, he thought, was what Logan had seen in him on their dinner date as he spoke about psychology. That captivating passion that left him unable to do much but stare. When the astronomy student turned to face him, for once he let himself be caught, and felt Logan’s hand cup his cheek, his own body reacting to the touch and leaning in as their lips brushed ever so gently. 

The teasing kiss ended too soon, and Virgil held back a disappointed whine, watching as Logan stretched out on the blanket, his arms folded behind his head and legs crossed lazily. The sight of him so relaxed and laid back, the slight twinge of a smile tugging at his lips as he watched the sky, made the psychology student’s heart flutter in his chest. 

Setting his empty cup to one side, he shuffled to lie down next to him. In their brief time in the park the darkness had settled fully, and with less light pollution the stars looked brighter and more beautiful than Virgil remembered seeing them for quite some time.

Logan moved one arm, pointing to a particular constellation, and the other tried to follow, “One of the most recognisable constellations is Orion. I’m sure you know that one yourself, am I right?”

Upon hearing the name, Virgil’s eyes immediately settled on the stars and he hummed in agreement, falling silent to allow Logan to continue. “It’s also one of my favourites. Do you see the westernmost star in Orion’s Belt?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s also known as Delta Orionis, or Mintaka. It’s a multiple star which is actually made up of five faint stars some 1,200 light years from our sun,” Logan glanced to Virgil as he spoke, and his boyfriend met his gaze, nodding as he continued his explanation. “A three-star system and two single stars. All making up what we perceive as only one.”

“That’s actually really cool. I never knew that,” the purple haired boy whispered, shivering slightly at the chill.

The astronomy student immediately shot him a concerned glance, “Are you cold?” he asked, and Virgil nodded. Logan turned onto his side just slightly, reaching over to try to tug him closer for warmth, the psychology student gladly shuffled until they were pressed close together. The astronomy student gently kissed the top of his head as Virgil buried his face against his chest, “Would you like to go back to campus?”

“No!” the purple haired boy replied sharply, “N-no, I’m enjoying this. I like sharing in your interests, Lo.”

Logan chuckled at his abruptness and turned onto his back again, keeping his boyfriend wrapped in his arm as he pointed out a few more of his favourite constellations, explaining more about their history. He continued like that for a while; Virgil, now settled with his scarf over his mouth and nose to warm his face, listening intently. Eventually, Logan’s words trailed off and they lay in silence under the night sky, watching the stars twinkle as their light reached their eyes from further away than they could comprehend.

Closing his eyes, Logan let out a content sigh, his arm still wrapped protectively around Virgil. The other shuffled closer, pressing tiny, gentle kisses along his boyfriend’s jaw until the astronomy student turned his head at the right moment to steal a peck on the lips. The resulting squeak from his bright haired companion brought a smile to his face, and Logan suddenly understood why Patton found the little noises Roman made to be so adorable.

Another few long moments passed before Logan sat up, stretching, “Okay, you have morning classes tomorrow, and I refuse to come between you and your education. Are you and Roman joining us tomorrow for movie night?”

Virgil nodded, sitting up as well and resting his head against the astronomy student’s shoulder once more, nuzzling against his neck before pressing his lips to the skin, blushing deep scarlet and moving away at the tiny gasp the action drew from Logan. The latter instantly grabbed his hand, squeezing reassuringly, “I never said I wanted you to stop doing that, should you wish to continue.”

He turned to face the psych student, gently cupping his cheek once more and drawing him close as he pressed a firm kiss to his lips. The other responded by gently tangling his fingers in Logan’s hair, his back arching to bring them closer together. His hands came to rest, one on Virgil’s hip, the other slowly sliding up underneath his jacket to rest on his waist, the action causing his black t-shirt to ride up ever so slightly. Logan guided him closer still, and the other came to settle on his lap, and his grip tightened on Virgil’s hip to support him.

When they eventually broke away for air, breath coming in little pants and clouding against the cold, Logan reached up to brush Virgil’s hair from his eyes. He gently grazed the boy’s cheek with his knuckles, Virgil leaning in so that their foreheads touched, and they sat for a while like that, stupid grins plastered over their faces.

Eventually, Logan moved to kiss his boyfriend’s cheek, voice low as he said, “We really should go back. You’re freezing.”

Virgil whined but relented, shifting from Logan’s lap and standing, holding out a hand to the other. The astronomy student took it, standing as well and folding the blanket to tuck it back into his backpack. He wrapped an arm around the other boy, keeping him close as they began the short walk back to campus, “I’m sorry it wasn’t much of a date, Virgil.”

“Are you kidding? Logan, that was one of the most romantic things I’ve ever done,” Virgil beamed, gazing up at him, and Logan swore that with the way his eyes sparkled in that moment, he could map out constellations in them.

“I… I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. And I got to see you for a few hours,” Logan responded, blaming his flushed cheeks on the cold, and not the warmth tugging at his heart.

They stopped outside Virgil’s dormitory building, facing each other, with Virgil still holding Logan’s hand, “Thank you. I really did enjoy tonight. It was relaxing after the week I’ve had,” the psychology student assured, pushing himself up on his toes to steal one more sweet kiss before taking a step back, towards the entrance, “Goodnight, Lo.”

“Goodnight, Virge,” Logan hummed, letting go of his hand and watching as the other disappeared from view. He smiled to himself, turning and beginning the short walk back to his own building, where he was certain Patton would drill him for information about their date.

\---

Patton’s back was turned to Logan as he watched his pasta boil and stirred the sauce to insure it didn’t stick to the pot and burn, but he still gushed over every detail, “I can’t believe you took him stargazing, Logan! That’s so romantic, oh my goodness!”

The zoology student found their pasta drainer, moving to the sink to drain the water, “I’m so glad you two got together. I know I say it every day, but you’re just happier. And Ro says he’s noticed a huge difference in Virgil too. I’m just so happy for you!” he squealed, turning the stove off and removing the pasta sauce from the heat as he grabbed two plates.

Logan chuckled, “I know, Pat. Well, then I just walked him home, we said goodnight, and here we are. Whatever you’re making, it smells absolutely amazing,” his voice trailed off then, the pain in his head picking up again, dizziness overcoming him. An overwhelming sense of panic flooded through him then, and the last thing he remembered was Patton whipping round, his eyes wide and terrified.

Patton had turned just in time to see Logan begin to fall backwards, screaming his roommate’s name as he rushed to his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A word of warning: this is where things start to get darker, so please read the warnings before continuing.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan finally gets to the bottom of his headaches.

A crippling panic seized Patton as his best friend dropped suddenly to the floor, having been upright and talking just moments before. As he reached his side, Logan’s body had begun convulsing, his eyes rolled back, and the zoology student desperately tried to recall his first aid training, only remembering one piece of information: clear the surrounding area.

He jumped up immediately, dragging chairs and tables away from Logan’s form, the empty bottles from their fellow students’ nights partying after deadlines were met. And he pulled his phone from his pocket, dialling 911 and settling at his side, deciding it best to remove the astronomy major’s glasses from his face and set them behind him.

“H-hello! I need an ambulance. My friend is having a seizure,” Patton cried, trying and failing to keep his voice steady. Logan’s skin had turned a terrifying shade of blue as the blood rushed to his brain, saliva mixed with blood running from his mouth. He must have bitten the inside of his cheek. The operator asked calmly for their address and Patton gave it to them. Room number and all.

“Wh-what do I do?! I-I can’t remember what to do,” Patton asked frantically, his own body trembling from the shock of it all, eyes brimming with tears he refused to shed. Not yet. The younger boy was his top priority.

“Make sure there’s nothing nearby that could cause your friend physical harm.”

“I-I’ve done that,” Patton replied, putting them on speakerphone.

“If you can, put something soft under their head to stop them from obtaining a head injury.”

“O-Okay…” the zoology student replied, taking off his cardigan and gently placing it underneath Logan’s head, “What now…?”

“An ambulance is on its way. How long has this lasted, do you know?”

Patton checked the length of the call, “It’s been over a minute s-so far. As far as I know, this is the first time it’s happened.”

“Help should be with you soon. Once the seizure has stopped, turn him on his side, into the recovery position. Can you do that for me?”

Patton nodded, his eyes on Logan, before remembering this was a phone call and stammering out, “Y-Yes, of course. Thank you…”

The telephone worker hung up then, leaving Patton alone to watch over his friend. After around another four minutes, his body began to still and his eyes closed properly, relaxed. Patton carefully bent one of his legs, moving it over the other and gently arranging his body so that he lay on his side. His breathing was coming in loud gasps, which frankly had Patton terrified, but at least he knew for sure that the boy was in fact breathing. He gently ran his fingers through Logan’s hair, still holding back his own tears.

“I-I told you. I told you to go to a doctor, Lo…” he whimpered, hearing sirens now as they approached campus. Logan’s eyelids began to flutter and Patton quickly got into his line of sight, smiling reassuringly and gently rubbing his shoulder, “Hey, hey… It’s okay. You’re alright. We’re at home, and you’ve had a seizure, but it’s over now, okay?”

Logan kept struggling to sit, unable to fully control his limbs yet, and his speech was still slurred beyond recognition. Patton’s heart broke for him, “Logan, just lie down for a while longer, okay? Please.” He looked around the room, confusion evident, not entirely recognising his surroundings, “Logan. It’s Patton. Can you hear me? Can you respond?”

The astronomy student opened his mouth to do so, but the words wouldn’t form on his tongue. He had managed to struggled into a half-seated position, swaying slightly, and Patton reached out to squeeze his hand, “Hey, it’s okay. You’re home and you’re safe. Paramedics are on their way, and they’re going to look after you better than I can.”

A loud knock at the door startled Patton, and had Logan trying to push himself to his feet. The zoology student stood, torn between watching Logan and answering the door, but a shout from one of the paramedics outside had him running to let them in, stepping aside so they could take over reassuring Logan and keeping him safely on the ground. Patton watched on, helpless, until one of the paramedics – a young woman – ushered him over. He settled next to her then, and smiled as he realised that Logan’s speech was beginning to come back to him, the confusion slowly ebbing away.

“Hey there, Lo,” he whispered, and his roommate glanced over in his direction. Patton grabbed his glasses from the floor and passed them to him, Logan putting them back on quickly and smiling back slightly.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, and Patton reached out to squeeze his hand again.

“Logan, is it?” the other paramedic asked then. He was middle aged, with scruffy stubble and a kind face. Logan nodded and he continued, “We want to take you to the hospital still, to try and figure out what caused this, and try and see if any medications would help prevent them in the future. Would you be okay with that?”

“I…” Logan glanced over to Patton, who sat wide-eyed at his side. He must have been terrified, and he refused to put his flatmate through that again, “Okay.”

\---

Patton had stayed by his side the entire ambulance journey, offering to call Virgil, but Logan had declined. He told him that Virgil had morning classes and that he didn’t want to let something like this panic his boyfriend and come between him and his education, so the zoology student had complied, tucking his phone safely away in his pocket.

Once they had arrived at the hospital, Logan had been quickly carted away to undergo a series of tests, leaving Patton alone for the first time with his own thoughts since everything had started. He pulled his legs up to his chest, curling up on the plastic seat, and found himself sobbing. All of the unshed tears seemed to tumble out of him then; the fear for his friend, his own guilt at not forcing him to see a specialist sooner.

He let out a choked cry as he remembered that he would have to call Logan’s parents and relay all of this to them, the noise alerting a nurse nearby and one of the receptionists. Both made their way to him quickly, settling on either side of his chair, one looked to be in her mid-thirties and the other perhaps nearing her fifties. The younger of the two, the nurse, spoke up first, “Hey, sweetie, are you okay?”

Patton shook his head helplessly, unable to speak through his sobbing, and both women leaned in to hug him, rubbing his back and comforting him until the tears subsided and he was able to form words, “M-my best friend. He had a pretty bad seizure. I-I’m worried. And I still have to call his parents and I don’t think I can stay focused long enough…”

The receptionist gave him a reassuring smile, “Would you like me to call them for you? The patient you’re with is Logan Sanders, yeah?”

Patton nodded, sniffling, “I-If you could?”

“Of course, honey. Go and get yourself some tissue and I’ll update them on what’s happening. If you need anything, just ask one of us.”

“Thank you,” the student whispered, standing shakily and excusing himself to the bathroom, splashing his face with cold water and drying off with some paper towels. He only realised then that he hadn’t eaten. Their food had been left abandoned and they had hurried Logan to the ambulance. His stomach rumbled and he dug through his jeans pockets, finding some loose change, and a few dollar bills folded up inside his cardigan. He left the restroom, stopping the next staff member he found and asking where the cafeteria was.

“If you go down this hall and take the next right, it’s signposted from there,” the janitor replied, and Patton thanked him, following his directions. The cafeteria was empty and the girl behind the desk stood on her phone, watching what sounded like gaming videos from the commentary and background noise from whatever game it was. He grabbed a cheap sandwich and a bottle of Tango and made his way to the desk. 

The girl paused her video, apologising softly, and Patton shook his head, “Don’t be. I’d be bored as all heck on a shift like this,” he assured her, and she gave a tiny smile as she rang up his items.

“Hey, there’s some triple chocolate muffins going out of date? Do you want one for free? I can’t technically sell them and they’ll just be thrown away otherwise,” she shrugged, putting one in a bag and placing it on the countertop, “Take it if you want.”

Patton graciously accepted, “Thank you so much,” he whispered, saying goodbye and hurrying back to the waiting room, worried someone would come with news about Logan and he wouldn’t be there for him.

As he entered the waiting room again, the receptionist waved him over and his eyes went wide as he approached the desk, “Is he out? Do they know the cause?”

“No news yet, hon. But I phoned his parents. They’re driving up tomorrow and want you to know how proud they are of how well you handled the situation,” she smiled, and Patton gave a little nod, thanking her and settling in a seat nearby.

Though he could feel the hunger gnawing at him, the zoology student couldn’t finish so much as one half of his sandwich thanks to the anxiety over his roommate settling in the pit of his stomach. Eventually, he opted to throw the remaining half in the trash, but kept the muffin for later. He curled up once more on the chair, pulling the sleeves of his cardigan over the palms of his hands. Pulling his phone from his pockets, he noticed a text from Roman:

“Pat! Did you hear the sirens on campus?”

Then: 

“Are you okay?!”

He debated telling him everything, but remembered Logan’s unwillingness to allow him to tell Virgil and – knowing that Roman would do so immediately – settled for texting him back with, “I’m fine, Ro. Don’t worry. I love you and I can’t wait for tomorrow.”

Distracting himself with his phone only lasted so long, and Patton tucked it back into his pocket, holding his head in his hands and just waiting, trying not to cry again. He had to be strong for Logan’s sake.

\---

It had been a little over an hour and a half since they had arrived in the hospital when Patton finally heard his name being called and shot out of his seat, “R-right here,” he said, making his way quickly across the room to the doctor’s side. He fiddled with the hem of his cardigan, anxiously asking, “Is my friend okay?”

The doctor tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and nodded, “He’s awake and sitting up. We ran some tests, and we’re looking into getting the results within a few hours. Until then we would like to keep him here for observation. You’re free to stay with him as long as it takes.”

Patton nodded, “I can’t just leave him. He’s not just my roommate, he’s my best friend, and I can’t leave him alone here.”

She gave a sweet smile, nodding and guiding him to Logan’s room. The ward was almost empty save for an older gentleman sleeping a few beds down. The astronomy student himself sat up, alert, eating a sandwich, and Patton almost laughed and cried simultaneously at the sight. He swallowed a mouthful, looking up at his roommate and smiling, “Patton, I can’t even begin to repay you.”

“You don’t have to repay me for doing what anyone should have, Lo,” He assured, taking a seat next to his friend, his stomach growling again now that his nerves had been calmed, and he was thankful for the muffin. “Do you remember it? Did it hurt?”

“Not at all. I was unconscious through everything. And honestly, I can barely remember the ambulance here, either. I was still hazy and confused,” Logan answered, finishing off his sandwich. “You didn’t call Virgil, did you? Or text him, or message him. Anything.”

Patton shook his head, “I just don’t understand why you won’t tell him, Logan. He’s your boyfriend. You can’t keep secrets like this from him. What if something similar were to happen on a date?”

“It won’t. I’ll make sure of it. He doesn’t have to know,” the astronomy student sighed.

“But-“

“He doesn’t have to know, Pat. It would only add to his stress and that is not fair to him,” Logan snapped, instantly regretting the sharpness of his tone as Patton’s eyes shifted away and he caught the shimmer of tears brimming in them. He reached over, grabbing his friend’s hand, “If it gets to the point where I have to tell him, I will. Okay? Please don’t cry, Pat.”

The tears spilled down the other boy’s cheeks regardless, a seemingly endless torrent. He stood, gently pulling Logan into his arms and sobbing against his shoulder, feeling his roommate’s arms wrap around him in turn, a hand coming up to gently stroke his hair and the gentle sound of shushing at his ear. 

“I-I-I’m s-sorry. I-I was so s-scared,” the zoology student sobbed, gipping the back of Logan’s hospital gown, “I d-didn’t know what was hap-pening at f-first. I th-thought I was going to lo-se you…”

“Well, you didn’t. And you stayed calmer than I could have, especially if it had been you or Virgil. Patton, I’m so thankful, and I am so, so proud of you!”

Logan held Patton for a few long moments, until his tears calmed from body-wracking sobs to the occasional tear and sniffle, and he stood back up, settling in the seat once more and drying his eyes on his sleeve, “You’re still just a teenager. You’re just a kid, Lo. It’s my responsibility as an adult to look out for you.”

“Patton, you’re only two years older than me.”

“And those two years mean I will always look at you and see a child who needs protecting!” Patton cried, giggling at Logan’s eye roll, though the sound became strained as he struggled to keep himself from crying again.

The same doctor from before peered around the door, casting them a sympathetic glance, “I’m sorry boys, we won’t have the full results until tomorrow. I think the best thing for you both is to head home and get some rest, come back tomorrow afternoon. Is there anyone who can pick you up?”

Patton shook his head and she pondered for a moment, “My shift finishes in half an hour. If you hang on until then, I can give you a ride back to campus?”

The zoology student glanced to Logan before nodding, thanking her profusely. Logan likely still felt drained, and though the walk back to campus was only around half an hour, he didn’t want to put his best friend through a trek in the cold at this point. The doctor smiled, promising to return for them before she left, and ducking out of the room.

\---

By the time they made it back to their dormitory room it was nearing 1:30am and both boys were thoroughly exhausted. Patton rubbed at his eyes underneath his glasses, yawning as he pushed open their bedroom door, ordering Logan straight to bed. The latter, practically swaying on his feet as exhaustion took hold, gratefully complied, pulling on some pyjama bottoms and slipping under the sheets. 

Patton trudged to the kitchen, whimpering when he saw all of the pots he had used still lying unwashed. Though it wasn’t the job of the rest of the dorm to clean up after them, at least one of them must have timidly sat in their room, listening to the whole ordeal. He cut off his thoughts, running the water until it heated and slowly washing the pots, throwing the ruined pasta in the trash. He tried not to dwell too much on Logan’s results, hoping with all he had that whatever had caused this, it was manageable.

He settled at the table, not wanting to disturb Logan’s sleep, and sent a quick email to his professors, explaining that he wouldn’t make classes the following day as he was escorting a friend to the hospital. Whatever the results were, he wanted to be there for his friend.

\---

Patton allowed Logan to sleep until 11 the next morning before gently waking him with a cup of coffee and some toast. He had already been up for three hours, having showered, dressed, and sat in silence for a long while, dreading the day’s events. Of course, the possibility of finding out what had caused Logan’s seizure filled him with hope, but the thought of what that diagnosis could be had him feeling sick to his stomach.

Logan himself, however, seemed unreasonably calm. He ate, drank, and picked out clothing to change into after his shower, and made small talk the entire time, even asking Patton if he still wanted to have a movie night with Roman and Virgil. Patton frowned, “We’ll wait and see, Lo. You might not feel up to it.”

Logan shifted to face him, making sure to catch his eye, “Pat, it’s fine. Whatever happens, I just want to stay normal. Please?”

The zoology student nodded, his smile sad and forced, but he was making an effort to try and stay positive for his friend’s sake. 

At around 1:15pm, Logan’s phone vibrated in his pocket with an incoming call. He took in the number on the screen, hesitating a moment later before answering, “Hello?”

Patton watched in silence as he nodded, humming out an ‘mmhmm’ every now and then in agreement. He finished the call by saying, “Okay, thank you. We’ll be there shortly,” hanging up and turning to Patton. “My test results are in. They want to go over them in person with me.”

“Okay. Should I call for a cab?” the zoology student asked, but Logan shook his head, standing and pulling on a cardigan and a jacket.

“The fresh air could do me some good. I’m in no hurry.”

Patton linked their arms together as they walked, desperate to show Logan that it was okay for him to show his very obvious apprehension. It was okay to be afraid. The astronomy student huffed, but didn’t pull his arm away, and Patton took that as enough of a sign that his roommate was just as terrified – if not more so – as he was.

Their half hour walk was spent in complete silence, with Patton looking over every so often, catching Logan’s eyes, and smiling softly. Logan would smile back briefly before turning his gaze back to the sidewalk. 

The sight of the hospital building appearing in view made the entire situation feel more real, less of a horrifying shared nightmare. Even Logan’s muscles tensed slightly as they neared the doors, and the zoology student looked up in concern as he felt it against their linked arms. Still, they continued onwards, Logan explaining to the young man behind the reception desk that he was here for test results, giving his full name when prompted.

“I’ll notify the doctor that you’ve arrived. Take a seat in the waiting area for now sir,” he replied, rising from his seat.

Logan nodded, settling down in the nearest chair wordlessly, his hands curled into fists atop his thighs and one knee bouncing anxiously. Patton took the seat next to him, staring around apprehensively and wishing he could do something to help his best friend with his nerves. Had he been allowed to tell Virgil, the psychology student probably would have been able to help him more.

“Logan Sanders?”

Logan’s gaze shot up, and both boys were on their feet in an instant. The doctor shook her head, “I’d like to speak to the patient alone first, please?”

Patton stared at Logan, the panic evident on his face, and the younger boy turned and squeezed his shoulder gently. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry,” he assured, and the zoology student settled back down in his seat, nodding slightly and watching as Logan disappeared around the corner and out of view.

\---

Twenty or so minutes passed before the doctor returned, calling out Patton’s name, and his head snapped up. He stood quickly and made his way to her, “Is Logan okay? Can I see him?”

She nodded, “He asked for you.”

Patton walked with her down a too plain corridor, the clinical nature of the place only adding to his discomfort about their entire situation, until they reached a consultation room. She opened the door for him, and Logan looked up, his face unreadable, from his brain scans. The doctor gestured for him to enter the room, closing the door behind them to give them privacy.

The zoology student settled down on a chair next to Logan, craning his head to get a better look at the scans, “What is it?”

“I have a brain tumor,” Logan responded, his voice hollow, empty.

Words left Patton then, his mind clearing and sorrow and despair flooding him, crushing any hope for his friend’s health he had left. He composed himself quickly, shaking his head, “Well, most of them are benign, Lo-“

“It’s cancerous.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan's parents come to visit. Logan debates how to tell Virgil about his diagnosis.

They had been home for almost half an hour, and Patton had barely spoken a word. He had tried, but each time, his voice had cracked and he had cut himself short, overcome once again with tears. Logan sat at his side, Patton’s head currently resting on his shoulder, and stared down at the pill bottle in his hands. He had been advised to discuss his treatment with his parents – who had already been driving to see him when the hospital contacted them with his diagnosis – and had been given only medication to help with the seizures.

His options were simple. Surgery should remove most of the tumor at its current stage, and the rest could be treated with chemotherapy and radiation therapy. But it would mean giving up his education, or at the very least, suspending it. The prospect of undergoing such major surgery alone was a terrifying one, coupled with being forced to do so at home with his parents’ constant fussing, away from Patton. Away from Virgil.

Virgil.

Logan didn’t realise his breath had hitched until the zoology student raised his head, straightening his back and resting a hand on his shoulder, “Lo? How are you feeling?”

He shook his head slightly, turning the pill bottle over in his hands again before moving to set it on his bedside table. His tongue traced the wounds on the inside of his cheek, where he had bitten harshly the night before, and he turned to face Patton again, “I have to tell Virgil, don’t I?” Patton nodded sadly, giving a hint of a bittersweet smile, and Logan let himself drop back onto his bed, head in his hands, “What if he doesn’t stay…?”

“What do you mean?”

“Patton, I’ve barely known him three months and already I feel more strongly about him than I have ever felt about another human being,” Logan whispered, his words seeming to shock even him as they left his mouth. He chewed on his bottom lip, looking up at Patton again, his hair a mess where his hands had tangled themselves in it, “He’s under no obligation to stay with me. He doesn’t have to watch me go through this, Pat. It’s selfish, but I don’t want him to leave.”

“We’re all selfish in love sometimes, Logan,” Patton smiled, settling at his side again and taking both of his hands, clasping them in his own, “but it’s not right to keep something like this from him.”

Logan nodded slightly, looking down at their clasped hands, Patton’s gentle reassurance. No matter what came, he would have his roommate, and the thought drew a small smile to the astronomy student’s face. He rested his head on Patton’s shoulder this time, and they stayed there in silence until gentle knocking on their door startled them out of their thoughts.

“Logan, sweetie...?” A hesitant call from an all too familiar voice, more broken and strained than he had ever heard it before. He stood, opening the door and instantly being wrapped in a tight hug by his mother, his father close behind, wrapping his arms around them both. The astronomy student stood, holding them both in the doorway, listening to his mother’s sniffles and knowing there was nothing he could say to comfort her. 

Patton moved to settle on his desk chair, giving them the space they desperately needed, unwilling to interrupt them in order to vacate the room. He locked eyes with Matthew, Logan’s dad, and though he looked collected, his gaze betrayed him. The zoology student gave a sad smile. Matthew and Isobel lived on the same street as his own parents, the two couples building a friendship early on as their boys had, and Patton loved them like his own family.

Isobel stepped back hesitantly, her mascara having gathered in teardrops beneath her eyes, and Logan took her face in his hands, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. The tenderness of the action shattered whatever resolve she had built up and tears flooded her eyes again as she turned, pressing her face to her husband’s chest and clinging to him.

“Mom…” Logan murmured, his voice catching in his throat, coming out cracked and broken, “Mom, it’s okay. They can operate, and according to their lead surgeons, they should be able to remove the entire thing without issue.”

Matthew kissed the top of her head, holding his wife as she sobbed, “We know this, Logan. But we are your parents, and it’s our job to worry, regardless of whether or not the outlook is positive.”

Logan’s father gently guided Isobel into the room, settling down with her on Logan’s bed, “So, it is operable? That’s a good sign, Logan,” his tone had changed in an instant from worried father to the sure, comforting tone of an experienced doctor reassuring their patient. “We have Patton to thank for that, I’m sure. If I know my son, I know you’re stubborn enough to allow your symptoms to play out until they render you bedridden.”

Logan opened his mouth to dispute this, when his mother cut in, “Honey, you went in to school to take a test with one of the worst strains of flu I’ve seen.”

“Ah, yes. I excused myself to throw up twice and still managed an A. Not my best, but not terrible either, given the circumstance,” the astronomy student sat up a little straighter, a triumphant grin on his face.

“Lo Lo, I know you tend to keep your emotions under lock and key, but how are you feeling?” Isobel asked softly. His parents’ chosen careers truly were shining through in their questions in this moment, and Logan sighed.

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. It is only natural for someone to become apprehensive when faced very suddenly with the prospect of their own mortality,” his parents nodded along, though his words did seem to strike a chord in his mom, whose eyes suddenly became shiny again, “But there is no use in allowing things outside of your control to define and restrict you. As long as I’m able to, I intend on continuing my life as normal.”

Matthew turned to better face his son, “That’s a good mindset to have, son. Have you scheduled your surgery yet? Or do you want to come home for it?”

Logan shook his head, pulling out his phone to check the time, “No, I… I haven’t actually. I don’t want to schedule anything until I’ve spoken to Virgil. He deserves to know, but with everything going on, I haven’t been able to tell him.”

He glanced over to Patton, catching his best friend’s eye, “I know you’re going to see Roman, but could you stay with my parents until I meet Virge outside his class?”  
Patton nodded, rising from his seat and moving to his bed to be closer to the rest of the group, “Of course, Lo. Are you going to tell him just now.”

“No. Not like that. I need to sit down with him privately and talk things through. I can’t just spring that on him on the walk home,” Logan frowned, texting his boyfriend to say he was on his way and may be a few minutes later than planned. “I’ll tell him tonight, once we’re alone.”

Logan stood, pulling on his cardigan and a thicker, long wool jacket, before saying goodbye to his parents and ducking out of the room.

\---

The journey to Virgil’s class was mostly spent questioning how he could tell him, pondering his responses, and ultimately how he would cope with the pain of his boyfriend leaving him coupled with months of surgeries and therapies. Immediately, Logan cursed himself for allowing such negative thoughts about the psychology student, for instantly assuming that the news would shatter him so much that he would leave rather than watch Logan suffer, rather than put himself through the emotional strain. 

A gentle tug on his sleeve startled Logan from his thoughts and he looked up to see Virgil’s concerned face staring up at him. The psychology student took his hands, twining their fingers together, “You look a bit spaced out, Lo. Are you okay?”

Logan nodded, drawing Virgil against his chest and holding him, feeling his boyfriend wrap his arms around his waist, “My parents decided to come and visit for a few days, Vee. Do you still want to hang out? I’m sure they’ll love you.”

Virgil tilted his head up, pressing a gentle kiss to the astronomy student’s lips, “If it means I get to spend time with you, of course I’ll meet your parents, Logan. And Vee?”

Logan shrugged, guiding the purple-haired boy back to his dormitory by a hand on the small of his back, “I don’t know. It sounded cute.”

“It is cute. I didn’t peg you as the cute nickname type,” Virgil chuckled, resting his head against Logan’s shoulder and glancing up at him, “What else don’t I know about my own boyfriend?”

Logan paused a moment before laughing, reaching up to ruffle Virgil’s hair affectionately, but saying nothing. He couldn’t bring himself to lie to the boy, but now was not the time to tell him.

\---

The closer they got to Logan’s dormitory room, the more questions Virgil asked about Logan’s parents, and the more nervous he appeared. He had already pushed his hair back from his eyes, timidly asked if the eyeliner was too much, and asked if they should stop by his own room first so that he could ‘change into more normal clothing’. 

The astronomy student stopped him on the last question, taking his face in his hands. He kissed his forehead, moving his hair back to its usual place, “Virgil, I want them to meet you. They’ve already stalked your Facebook for photographs and my mother is adamant that you resemble some sort of punk-rock kitten,” the psychology student’s tension dropped instantly and he snorted, holding back louder laughter as a smile spread across his face, “The bottom line here is that you do not need to worry about your appearance with them. With anyone. Ever. You are you, and I adore you. That is enough for them.”

They continued walking then, Virgil still quietly laughing to himself, “A punk-rock kitten. Why do I love that so much? Your mom sounds adorable.”

Logan slipped his arm around Virgil’s waist again, pulling him close to his side as they walked, “She already loves you because you do psychology and she’s a therapist. No worries there.”

They stopped outside Logan’s room, listening to the sounds of quiet chatter coming from inside, and Logan knocked before entering, Virgil’s hand still clasped in his own. Isobel and Matthew fell silent, turning to face their son and the newcomer. The silence likely only lasted a few seconds, but to Virgil they seemed to stretch for minutes and his grip on Logan tightened as a voice in the back of his head screamed that they already somehow hated him.

Isobel’s hands shot to her mouth for a moment, then she rose, letting out a high-pitched squeal and rushing to bundle both boys into her arms for a tight hug. Hesitantly, Virgil wrapped an arm around her too, staying put until she stepped back, grinning, “Awww, you two make such an adorable couple! I’m so glad I finally get to meet the boy who makes my Logan so happy.”

Logan blushed, groaning and rubbing his temples as his father stood as well, rolling his eyes at his wife. She glanced between the two, eyes falling on Logan again, “Was I being extra again?”

Logan’s groaning grew in volume, and Virgil suppressed a laugh, “I like your mom a lot already,” he chuckled, turning as Matthew held his hand out to him. The purple-haired boy took his hand, shaking it, and glanced up a little too timidly. 

Logan’s father’s gaze immediately softened, “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Virgil. I’ve heard a lot about you. Our son is quite fond of you.”

Patton stood then, quietly excusing himself to see Roman, giving Virgil a reassuring squeeze on his shoulder and a wink, silently saying, ‘You’ve got this!’

Matthew cleared his throat, glancing between each of their small group and letting his gaze rest on his son’s wide-eyed boyfriend. For someone with such a dark, edgy aesthetic, the boy constantly looked like a scared baby deer. He fixed him with a warm smile, then turned back to his son, “Your mother and I would like to take you both out for a meal, get to know Virgil a little better.”

Isobel cut in then, resting a hand on Virgil’s shoulder, noting the tension in his muscles, “Only if you want to, of course. I know meeting the parents is daunting enough the first time without having to sit through a meal out with them, so I don’t want to make you feel as though you’re in any way obligated to do so.”

“N-no. No, I’d love to!” Virgil stammered, managing a smile of his own and turning his head to look at Logan before giving a shy little smirk, “I mean… What student would say no to free food?”

\---

After much discussion and debate between Logan and his parents, with Virgil sitting quietly for the most part other than some comments about a few of the restaurants mentioned, they pulled up in the parking lot of a world buffet. Virgil had eventually suggested it, solving the issue of what kind of food they wanted to eat.

Logan’s dad hopped out of the drivers’ side, opening Virgil’s door for him and the purple haired boy dipped his head in thanks, smiling at the man as he quietly got out of the car. He waited for Logan, immediately holding his hand out to him. His boyfriend twined their fingers together and gently tugged him against his side, giving the side of his head a gentle kiss as they made their way inside and waited to be seated.

As they waited, Isobel leaned forward, grinning, “Logan tells me you’re studying psychology! What area are you thinking of going into?”

Virgil returned her smile, letting go of Logan’s hand to fall into step with her as they were shown to their table, “I really want to do clinical psychology? I mean, my dream job would be working in a ward for troubled kids and teens. If I could help even one person realise there’s someone in their corner, I’d be happy.”

Isobel gently squeezed his shoulder, giving one of her signature sweet smiles that somehow seemed to put Virgil at ease every time, “My Logan has always been a good judge of character. You seem like a very sweet boy, Virgil, and I’m certain you’ll make a wonderful psychologist.”

Logan had pulled Virgil’s chair out for him, chuckling at the deep pink shining through from underneath his boyfriend’s foundation as he stuttered out a ‘thank you’ to Isobel and took his seat. The astronomy student tucked the chair back in, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to his cheek, “See. Nothing to be worried about.”

Logan and his mother gave their drinks orders before taking their plates to fill. Isobel waited until they were out of sight of the others before grabbing her son’s arm, “Logan, you need to tell him. And soon. I can’t believe you! Why wouldn’t you let Patton phone him last night? Don’t you think it would hurt him to think you don’t want him there in those situations.”

“Mom, it’s not that I didn’t want him there, I did! I wanted to see him so badly,” Logan muttered under his breath, “but he had classes! And Virgil suffers from terrible anxiety attacks. I didn’t want to be the cause of one!”

Isobel rolled her eyes, loading up a plate with Chinese food, “Oh, Logan. And don’t you think it’ll be worse now? It’s so unlike you to be so… Illogical!”

Logan recoiled slightly at that, looking away from his mother and swallowing hard. She immediately softened, gently rubbing his arm, “I’m sorry, Logan. I didn’t mean to be so harsh, but surely you can see how harmful it would be to your relationship to keep something like this from him?”

“I’m scared, mom…”

“Scared? Of what?” Isobel asked, head tilted slightly to one side. “Is it your treatments? You know your father and I will be there for you every ste-“

Logan cut her off abruptly, staring down at his still empty plate and suddenly feeling much less hungry than he had moments ago, “No, mom. I’m scared he won’t stick around to see me through this.”

Instantly, Isobel’s gaze softened entirely and she leaned up to press a gentle kiss to her son’s forehead, “For what it’s worth, I think he will. However, I’ll admit, I can’t read minds. But Logan, sooner or later, he’ll find out. And your relationship stands a much better chance if you have this talk now.”

Logan looked everywhere but his mother’s face, not wanting his eyes to betray him and show his obvious apprehension. Eventually, he merely nodded, but his mother’s answering smile comforted him greatly. She gave his arm a squeeze, “That’s my boy. I know you’ll always do the right thing, Lo. Now, come on. They had some nice-looking pasta further back. You need to eat.”

With their plates full, the two returned to find Matthew and Virgil engrossed in excited conversation about bands. Upon spotting their significant others, they rose to get their own food, Virgil getting up on his tiptoes to steal a kiss from Logan as he passed. The astronomy student watched him go, poking at his food as he pondered over how best to broach the subject.

\---

His parents dropped the two of them in the parking lot outside of Logan’s dormitory, getting out of the car to hug their son, telling him they would see him after his classes the following day. Isobel smiled, tucking Virgil against her, the purple-haired boy lifting his arms to hug her, “You look after my Logan, now. He needs someone like you in his life,’ she whispered.  
“I fully intend on it, Mrs Sanders,” Virgil whispered back, and was released from the tight hug. He stepped back, shaking Matthew’s hand.

“It’s been a pleasure meeting you, Virgil. It seems we have more in common than I expected,” he stated, looking between the two boys and giving a warm smile.

“T-the pleasure is all mine, sir.”

“No need to be so formal,” Logan’s father chuckled, shaking his head and looking back to his wife, “I’m sure I speak for both of us when I say Matthew and Isobel works just fine, son.”  
Isobel nodded enthusiastically, “You’re family now, Virgil. No ‘sirs’ and ‘ma’am’s with family.”

As Matthew began leading her back to the car, Isobel looked over her shoulder, waving and calling, “Or mom works too!”

Logan slapped a hand to his face, rubbing his temples and groaning, and Matthew could just be heard muttering, “The boy has his own parents, Iz. Maybe he doesn’t want to call you mom.”

After they had gotten back into the car and drove off to their hotel for the night, Logan looked over to his boyfriend, eyes widening as he noted little teardrops on his cheeks, “Virgil? Are you okay?”

The psychology student nodded, wiping his eyes on his sleeves, leaving smears of make-up on the fabric, “I’m fine. I just… I’ve never felt so,” he paused, trying to find a word to express his feelings, settling for, “wholly accepted, so quickly. They like me, Logan.”

“That they certainly do, Vee,” Logan chuckled, pulling Virgil against his chest for a tight hug, gently combing a hand through strands of purple. “Patton still isn’t back yet. How about we head upstairs and take advantage of this rare alone time?”

Virgil held him there a moment longer, nodding against his shoulder, “I’d like that. I love Ro and Pat. I do. But it would be nice to spend some time just the two of us.”

Logan kissed the top of his head, guiding his boyfriend inside and up to his room. He unlocked the door, frowning, wondering how to bring the topic up in a way that wouldn’t be too blunt, too much of a shock to the system, but came up blank. He settled down on the edge of the bed, both of Virgil’s hands in his own as he gazed up at him lovingly, “Virgil, I-“

He cut himself off as the other boy shifted to straddle his lap, pressing gentle kisses along his jaw, down his neck and to his collarbone, “Hmm?” he hummed softly, but Logan just tilted his head up, catching his lips with his own in a fierce kiss. Though they had only been apart for a day, to Logan, it felt like an eternity, a life in an alternate timeline where nothing had yet come between them.

He let his hands travel down Virgil’s sides, eventually settling under his thighs. He shifted, lifting the boy easily and breaking the kiss only to lay him down on the bed. Logan settled himself on top of his boyfriend, hands travelling down his body once more as his lips latched onto his neck. His fingers found their way beneath Virgil’s shirt, gently gripping his sides as he gently nipped the skin of his neck, the sound the boy produced snapping him out of his haze.

Logan chuckled softly, rolling onto his side and tangling his legs together with Virgil’s, tilting the other’s head up for a much gentler kiss, “You are a distraction, Virge.”

Virgil merely hummed, hooking his chin over Logan’s shoulder and holding him tightly, eyes settling on a pill bottle he hadn’t seen before. He reached out, grabbing the bottle, and felt Logan tense, “Acetazolamide,” he read aloud, “What are these for?”

The astronomy student sat up, bringing Virgil with him. He went through each scenario in his head that could play out once the phrase, ‘I have a brain tumor’ were out in the air, imagining Virgil’s panic, his tears. Or worse, him getting up and leaving with barely a word, and his next sentence left his lips before he could register to stop it, “I have epilepsy. They stop me from having seizures.”

Virgil placed them back down, snuggling against his boyfriend once more and feeling the tension leave his body, “Lo, you should have told me and I’d have read up on procedure in case you had one when we were out. I want to be able to be there for you, like you are for me.”

Logan held Virgil a little tighter, instantly filling with shame and regret for ever doubting Virgil, and knowing he now couldn’t tell him without revealing his blatant lie and distrust. He gulped, pressing another gentle kiss to Virgil’s cheek and simply whispering, “Thank you…”

They lay like that until he heard Virgil’s breathing become deep and slow, and Logan pushed himself back enough to press a kiss to his forehead. He untangled himself from his boyfriend and gently moved to remove his shoes and tuck him under the sheets before making his way to the kitchen, pill bottle in hand to take his last dose of the day.

“Did you tell him?” Patton’s voice from the doorway startled Logan, and he spilled water on the floor as he jumped, turning to face his roommate in the near total darkness.

“I tried. I couldn’t, Pat. And now I feel like a monster,” Logan whispered, taking his last pill and placing the glass down on the table. “I told him I’m epileptic, and he was so calm and accepting, which made me feel worse.”

Patton frowned deeply, shaking his head before pulling his roommate into a tight hug, “Oh, Logan…” he whispered, unsure of how to help his friend’s situation now, “Everything will be okay.”

The words hung in the air, neither of them saying anything, but both of them knowing that the promise was an empty one. Especially now that Logan’s ‘everything’ had been so horrifically and suddenly turned on its head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely love writing Logan's family. Especially his mother. I think she's wonderful.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan spends Christmas Day with his family and learns some new information about his boyfriend.

The next month had flown in, despite the increase in workload leading up to winter break, with Logan insisting to Patton that Virgil shouldn’t have to deal with his diagnosis as well as the stress of exams and assignments. He would tell him after winter break.

Which was exactly how he had come to spend the entire car journey home being lectured endlessly by a furious Isobel, while his father kept his eyes glued to the road and his mouth shut. It was precisely how he had spent the rest of that day trying to avoid conversational topics which could potentially reignite his mother’s rage, tiptoeing around her, refusing to so much as say Virgil’s name.

Between the lectures and the looks, Logan wished that the break would pass by quickly. His friends provided a much more sufficient distraction. From his texts, Virgil seemed to be feeling much the same. The Black family had taken on a new foster child, and thus had no spare room for the psychology major, who was spending his nights on the sofa. Though he admitted it was nice to see them, and that he loved them dearly, he had expressed to Logan that he no longer felt there was room for him in their family.

It was late night on Christmas Eve now, and Logan had only just managed to excuse himself to the peaceful, welcomed solitude of his room. He settled on the floor next to his bed, laptop settled above him on the mattress, and typed out to Virgil, ‘Ready?’

‘Ellie is still downstairs, but she’s chill. Call whenever.’

Ellie, or Eleanor, was one of Virgil’s foster siblings, and from what Logan could gauge, they shared the same love for sarcastic retorts and made a formidable team. She was the oldest of the Black family’s biological children, at the age of twenty-four, and was currently studying to become a social worker. 

Logan hit the video call button, and Virgil accepted within moments, coming into view settled at the dining table with the auburn-haired girl at his side. She grinned wide, ruffling Virgil’s hair much to the other’s annoyance, “Virge, he’s cuuuute! How come you left that out when you told me about him?”

Virgil smacked at her hand, studying his mess of purple hair in the camera and delicately fixing it, “You might want to get your ears tested, Ellie, because I’m pretty sure that’s all I’ve talked about since I came home.”

Logan watched the two, stifling a laugh, “It’s nice to know you’re talking about me, Virge. All good things, I hope?” 

“Only ever wonderful things, Lo,” Virgil smiled fondly, resting his head in his hands on the table in front of him and just letting his eyes take in Logan’s face.

Ellie rolled her eyes, rising to her feet, long auburn hair swishing with every movement, “Alright, lovebirds, I’m off to bed. The new kid is seven, Virge, so we’ll all be up early. You should get some rest soon too.”

Virgil nodded, “I’m already in pyjamas, so I just need to lie down when I’m ready, Elle, don’t worry.”

They regarded each other for a moment before Eleanor nodded and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water to take upstairs. Virgil rolled his eyes and huffed out a breathy laugh, “Ellie, at least, never changes,” he smiled, then sighed, rubbing at his eyes, “Logan, I think I’m going back to campus after tomorrow.”

Logan frowned deeply, brows furrowing as he noted the defeat in his boyfriend’s tone, “Why? What’s wrong? Are they making you feel unwelcome, Vee?”

Virgil shook his head quickly, sitting back in his chair, “N-no! Well… Not exactly? They’re all very welcoming. They love me like they have since I got placed with them, and it shows. It’s just, there’s no room for me in their lives anymore, Logan. They have this other kid, a-and I’m sleeping on the sofa and its cold downstairs but they let me come home so I can’t say anything about that, and my neck hurts because sofas were not meant to be slept on and-“

“Virgil,” Logan said sharply, bringing the purple-haired boy’s attention back to him, “It’s okay. You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. If you don’t feel comfortable, you don’t have to stay. I just worry about you being alone.”

Virgil shuffled, rubbing the back of his neck, “I’ll be okay. I was basically alone for most of my childhood, so I can fend for myself.”

“Virgil…” Logan whispered, wishing with everything he had that he could reach out and hold him. He looked down at his hands in his lap, then back up at the screen, “Vee, I have an idea. I’ll be right back!”

And with that, he took off downstairs, where his parents sat with a glass of wine each, watching old Christmas movies, “Mom? Dad?”

They looked up, smiling warmly at their son. Matthew spoke up first, “Hey, Lo. Weren’t you going to call Virgil tonight?”

“Actually, this is about Virgil,” Logan cleared his throat, “He plans to go back to campus after tomorrow,” he locked eyes with his mother, “where he will remain, alone, for the rest of winter break.”

Isobel frowned deeply at that, “Alone?” she asked, and Logan nodded. She looked back over at her husband pleadingly, “Matthew, we can’t let him do that. Just a few weeks ago we told that boy that he’s our family too, and I meant what I said.”

Matthew nodded, settling back into the pillows, “I have to agree with your mother on this one, Logan. It looks like we’ll have to put that spare room to good use.”

The astronomy student nodded, but couldn’t hold back his grin, “It seems to be the only logical answer here. I’ll have to ask him.”

Isobel giggled as her son turned back to the stairs, “Say hi to Virgil for me!”

Logan settled back down in front of his laptop screen and Virgil, who had been lying with his head on the table, hair covering his face, sat up straighter, "I’m going to need you to buy a train ticket. I'll send you all of the relevant information once we end the call."

Virgil laughed a little nervously, running a hand through his hair, “What do you mean, Lo? I mean, I’ll be buying a train ticket soon anyway to get back to campus.”

“I mean, I’m not letting you stay there all alone, Vee. You’re family, remember,” Logan smiled softly, “You’re coming to stay with us. I had to talk things over with my parents, and of course, they’ll likely have you placed in the spare room, which I must admit will be torture. But it’ll be nice to have you.”

Virgil sat, shocked, for a while longer, opening and closing his mouth a few times before breaking out into a broad smile, “You want me with your family?”

“Of course I do, Virgil. And my parents adore you. I think my mom is about ready to adopt you already,” he chuckled, checking the time in the corner of the screen, “For now, you should get some sleep. It’s almost midnight, and children tend to wake up anywhere between 4 and 6AM on Christmas day.”

Virgil nodded, yawning and picking the laptop up. He settled it on the coffee table and tucked himself under the blankets laid out on the sofa in front of it, and Logan couldn’t help the fond smile at how adorable he looked, all wrapped up and cosy. He glanced to the clock again, “Merry Christmas, Vee. Get some sleep. I’ll see you soon.”

\---

The following morning, Logan was roused from sleep by the sound of his mother loudly singing Christmas carols and the smell of a cooked breakfast. He grabbed his glasses from the bedside table and wrapped himself in a thin blanket before trailing sleepily down the stairs. Imogen turned at the creak of floorboards, smiling broadly.

“Merry Christmas, Lo-Lo! I didn’t wake you, did I?” she asked, setting a plate in front of him. She turned, heading back to the stove, “Oh! And did Virgil decide to stay?”

“You did wake me. However, it’s not exactly unpleasant to be woken by the smell of eggs and bacon. There are worse things to wake up to,” Logan chuckled, cutting into one of his eggs, “Oh, and Virgil is going to purchase a train ticket and leave tomorrow morning.”

Matthew spoke up from his perch, sat in a recliner in front of the TV, where he would remain for the majority of the day, “Logan, do you know why Virgil’s in care? I only ask so I can avoid making any more mistakes. The last time I saw him, I made that comment about how he has his own mom, and he doesn’t need to be calling Isobel that. And it got me thinking, what if he doesn’t?”

Logan shrugged, swallowing a mouthful of his own breakfast, “I don’t know why he’s in care. He’s never told me, and I’m not about to just ask him. I want him to trust me enough to tell me these things in his own time.”

Isobel finished cooking her own breakfast and settled it on the table opposite Logan, sitting down and placing his morning pills on the table in front of him, “I think that’s very kind of you, Logan. We’ve raised you well.”

As Logan downed his pills with a mouthful of orange juice, Matthew rose from his throne and settled with them at the dining table. He looked between Isobel and his son for a short while before clearing his throat, “Logan. You didn’t ask for much this year.”

“I didn’t need much this year.”

“We know. We know,” Matthew chuckled, taking Isobel’s hand, “But your mother and I were talking, and we know you’re worried about leaving your friends and not having them there for your surgeries. We understand that you’re at an age now where we cannot give you all that you need anymore.”

Isobel reached over to clasp her son’s hand, “Which is why we want to rent you a little apartment near campus.”

Logan’s mouth fell open and he let his cutlery settle on the plate, staring between his parents in shock and disbelief. He composed himself, sitting up a little straighter, “You want to rent an apartment for me so that I can have my surgery and still be near my friends?”  
Matthew shrugged, “I guess that’s what we’re saying, kid. We saved a lot of money for your tuition, and you got a scholarship, so that money is technically yours anyway.”

The astronomy student blinked rapidly, eyes darting between the two, their words rendering him speechless at once. He stood, moving to stand between them and pulling them both in for a tight hug, “Th-thank you.”

Isobel laughed softly, wrapping her arms around her son, “We know you need the right support system just now, Logan. We just want you to be happy. But we do have a few rules.”

Matthew nodded, “We want someone to stay with you. Patton, perhaps? He could take care of you and keep an eye on you. He’s done a fantastic job so far.”

Shaking his head, Logan stood up straighter, “Patton has been great, but if I’m getting the opportunity to move in with someone, I want it to be Virgil. Then, no matter the outcome, I’ve been able to experience life with him.”

His parents regarded each other for a long moment, pain so obviously etched on both of their faces, before they nodded and Logan found himself squished in the middle of a crushing hug. He grumbled slightly, but relented, even laughing as his mother attacked his face with kisses. Normally, such a thing would have annoyed him, but did she not deserve to show her son affection when their future was uncertain?

Eventually, Isobel pushed back, holding him at arm’s length with her hands on his shoulders, “Logan. I’m fine with you moving in with your boyfriend, but for goodness sake! Tell him! The poor boy deserves to know.”

“I plan on it, mom. Let him enjoy the rest of winter break, and I’ll tell him once we get back to college,” Logan gave a small smile, unsure, still worried that he couldn’t keep Virgil’s love in light of this particular revelation. “And if he still wants to be with me, I’ll tell him about the apartment.”

Isobel gently stroked his hair, “Oh, sweetie. I have no doubt in my mind that your Virgil is not the kind of boy to just leave in the face of hardships. Call it a psychologist’s intuition,” she smiled, giving a wink, and settled back down to finish her breakfast.

\---

After presents had been opened, his mother’s parents arrived bearing more. Logan’s grandma pinched his cheeks, his grandad ruffled his hair, and his mother gave him an apologetic glance from behind them all, as per the norm. His gran and gramps from his dad’s side of the family arrived shortly after, alongside his aunt and eight-year-old cousin, Tessa. His quiet home erupted into joyful laughter loud chatter.

Logan found a comfortable chair to occupy and lay back. He closed his eyes with a smile, taking in the chaos around him and memorising every voice. The scratchiness of his grandad’s tone, the way his gramps laughed the loudest at each joke, his aunt and mother’s quiet chatter and giggles, his gran fussing over her youngest grandchild as Tessa sang Christmas carols to her.

A while later, the singing stopped, and a small body collided with his like some sort of projectile. “Loooogaaaaan! Logan, play with me! You’re no fun today!” came Tessa’s voice, and he groaned, his peace shattered. He stood, hoisting the small child over his shoulder so she squealed, and spinning her a few times before putting her down. She stumbled slightly before the inevitable, “Again! Again!”

Logan rolled his eyes at her, “Get your shoes on, Tess. We’re going to build the biggest snowman on this street!”

As she ran off and he turned, shaking his head and laughing softly, he noted a few worried glances in his direction. So, everyone knew. And he supposed this marked the beginning of his family and peers deciding what he could and couldn’t do. He ignored them, pulling on some boots and disappearing outside with his cousin.

\---

Logan rolled up a small snowball and started building on it before standing up, “Okay, Tessie. Could you keep doing this one until it’s about thiiiiis big?” he gestured with his hands and she nodded, eagerly taking over where he had left off. The astronomy student himself started work on the larger base of the snowman, able to roll faster than she was. By the time he was finished and had situated it at the front of the yard, Tess was at his side, beaming.

“Well done, Tess. That is quite impressive!” Logan smiled, but instead of lifting it up, he started to dig into his own snowball, and the young girl stared up at him quizzically. “Lo, what are you doing? It’s not a snowball if it has a huge dent!”

“Ahh, but this is more structurally sound, Tessie. If I make a little hole for the next piece to sit in, it won’t fall off as easily. You would have to give it quite the hefty push! And any gaps, we can fill in with more snow.

Once finished, Logan slowly lifted the other snowball on top and Tessa patted snow into the gaps between the two. The student gave her another snowball and she got to work as he made another small crater in the middle piece. Tess giggled as she chased the snowball around the garden, making tracks in the snow, and Logan watched her fondly. He would never call himself an expressive person, but for his cousin he could handle being a little more like Patton than he could normally take.

After the body of the snowman was complete, Logan sent the girl back inside to find some buttons, a carrot, and a scarf. He settled himself on the porch, head in his hands, rubbing at his temples, his vision coming in and out of focus even with his glasses on and a warm tingling feeling spreading through his body. He curled up on himself and lay down in the snow, caring little about keeping himself dry in favour of trying not to throw up.

He heard the door open and Tess’s little voice asking if he was okay. Logan nodded and smiled, sitting up slowly, face as white as the snow itself, “Yes, I’m okay. I’m just tired.” She settled next to him, shuffling closer, “Mommy told me that you’re sick. Really sick. I didn’t believe her at first, because you didn’t have sniffles and you looked okay from the outside, but she was telling the truth, wasn’t she?”

Logan sighed, but nodded, “She was, Tessie. But I’m going to be okay. Because your aunt and uncle are taking good care of me. And I met a boy who makes me very happy, who looks after me when they can’t.”

“Like a boyfriend?” The girl asked, standing up with her arms full of things to put on the snowman.

“Yes, like a boyfriend,” Logan chuckled, still dizzy, worried he might still vomit if he moved too much, “Why don’t you decorate the snowman? I feel like you could do a really good job.”

She nodded and ran to start pressing different colored buttons into the snow, then carefully wrapped and tied the scarf around its neck. She returned to his side with two buttons, “I’m sorry, Lo. I can’t reach to put the eyes on.”

“Well, you are still really small,” he teased, but stood up and lifted her into his arms, carrying her to the snowman so that she could put the two blue button eyes on. She hugged him tightly and he smiled, placing her back down in the snow, “It looks great, Tess. You did a fantastic job.”

She grabbed Logan’s hand as they walked back inside, “You’re the one that made it look so amazing!” 

Logan rolled his eyes, opening the door and stomping off as much snow from his boots as he could before he stepped inside, “How about we call it a tie?”

The young girl considered that for a moment before nodding, “Deal,” she grinned, skipping back into the living room.

The second she was out of sight, Logan took to the stairs, bursting into the bathroom and turning on a tap in the bath. He set his glasses at his side and keeled over the toilet, letting his stomach empty itself.

\---

It took half an hour before Logan trusted himself to sit upright again. He leaned against the bath and turned the tap off, his breathing ragged, his forehead and the roots of his hair coated in sweat so that when he brushed his bangs back into place they stayed flat. 

He dragged his hands through his damp hair and tugged, letting his anger out, letting tears finally sting at his eyes and sobs wrack his body. He curled in on himself, feeling more helpless now than he ever had before, at the mercy of his own body, at the mercy of an illness he had no way of naturally fighting. An illness that targeted at random. But still he asked himself: why him? Why now, when he was finally happy, finally embracing parts of life more important than grades on a report card.

His sobs came louder now, and he could sense his father’s approach even before he said his name. He felt soft tissue wipe at his lips, his chin, then arms hooked under his knees, wrapped around his torso, and he was lifted against his dad’s chest. Then they were moving, but he barely registered, barely cared. He let himself be lowered into his bed, turned onto his side, and tucked under some blankets. Before he allowed sleep to weigh down on him, he felt his father gently stroke his hair, heard his mother’s gentle voice crack as she asked him why this had happened to her son. Then let himself slip into dream.

\---

By the time Logan forced his eyes open again, he could smell dinner cooking, but the thought of eating right now made his stomach churn again. He slowly slipped out of bed, noticing his glasses sat on his bedside table. One of his parents must have put them there before they left him to sleep, and he found himself smiling despite the situation as he slipped them back on. 

Also on his bedside table was a glass of water and some pills. He had a vague, hazy memory of his mother trying to coax him to sit up and take them, but his body had felt too weak to do so. He took them now, downing the water to clear the taste of bile from his mouth and standing. 

As the astronomy student appeared in the doorway to the living room, the gentle chatter died. He gave a small smile and glanced around the room. His aunt and Tess must have left while he was sleeping to meet up with her dad at his parents’ home.

Isobel cleared her throat, saying only, “How are you feeling, sweetie?” and the others watched on, curious as well.

Logan shrugged, “Better than I did. I don’t think I’m going to throw up anymore, which is a good sign. I’m just tired.”

She nodded, patting the seat next to her, and Logan settled there, leaning back and listening as the conversation grew around him once more.

\---

Logan lay in bed a few hours later, his stomach full again, but not unsettled, fighting the sleeping aid his mother had given him as he text back and forth with Virgil, trying to arrange a time to meet him at the train station the following day as well as general chit chat about their days. Of course, he left out the parts he had spent hunched over the toilet or tucked in bed.

Virgil’s family had given him a new phone as well as some clothing and art supplies, and he expressed his guilt at leaving them, but also his need for something sturdy to sleep on and the ache in his back and neck that had been caused by sleeping on the couch.

‘I got you something,’ Logan text, a smile spreading across his face as he thought of the gift he had waiting here for Virgil. And the few presents left wrapped under the tree from his parents hadn’t gone unnoticed. They had planned to have Logan deliver them to his boyfriend once they were back at college, but now were overjoyed that they would be able to see the boy’s reaction for themselves. 

‘You really didn’t have to! But I got you something as well. It’s not much, but it reminded me of you.’

Logan smiled to himself, yawning and settling down against his pillow, ‘You also didn’t have to do that, Vee. I’m exhausted, so I am going to sleep now. I look forward to having you with us tomorrow. Goodnight x’

‘Goodnight, Lo x’

The astronomy student smiled fondly, placing his phone on his bedside table and lying down to sleep.

\---

Virgil’s train pulled up to the station the next day just past 2PM and Logan scanned the small crowd until he saw his boyfriend heaving a suitcase onto the platform. He rushed to his side, taking the case for him and Virgil pulled him down into a gentle kiss. None of the greedy desperation he had expected, but even better. Sweeter, more caring, and Logan practically melted into it, cupping one cheek with a hand and letting the other rest on Virgil’s arm.

Eventually, he broke away, pressing one more gentle kiss to his forehead, “Hello,” he supplied stupidly, and the psychology student grinned up at him.

“Hello,” he whispered, taking Logan’s hand as he led him down to where Isobel and Matthew were waiting with the car. They took his case from Logan, his father loading it into the trunk while Isobel rushed to hug him tightly.

Virgil hugged her back, smiling over her shoulder at Logan, who rolled his eyes. “We brought the car,” the astronomy student started, “but it’s only a short walk to my house, if you’d like a quick tour of my hometown?”

Virgil nodded, releasing his boyfriend’s mother and taking his hand again, “I’d like that very much, Lo.”

“As you wish, Vee,” Logan smiled, wrapping an arm around Virgil’s waist and leading him out of the parking lot and across the road. A five minute walk from the train station, he grabbed his boyfriend’s hand and pulled him into a park, with a lot of open space and a smaller area for kids to play. He and Patton had spent a lot of time here as children.

They broke into a run, Virgil freeing himself from Logan’s grasp to grab a handful of snow, pressing it together gently and launching it at the other boy. The snowball hit Logan’s shoulder, and he turned on Virgil, his gaze scarily blank for a moment before a smirk broke out on his face and seconds later the purple haired boy was wiping snow from his face.  
“Oh,” he grinned, “Oh, Sanders. This means war…”

The snowball fight turned to Logan tackling his boyfriend into the snow. Virgil squealed as he went down, then lay there, laughing. Logan crawled up so he kneeled over him, leaning down to kiss him, but Virgil had other ideas. He grabbed a handful of loose snow, shoving it into Logan’s face, his laughter growing. The other student merely smirked, wiping snow from his eyes and grabbing Virgil’s wrists, pinning him lightly.

He leaned down again, about to kiss him when he noticed the way the boy’s body had gone stiff and tense beneath him, the slight trembling of his lower lip, the tears swimming in his eyes. He froze, letting him go instantly and shifting so that he sat next to the boy. He reached out a hand to touch his shoulder, as he usually did when Virgil had attacks, but his boyfriend slapped his hand away, a choked scream of, “NO!” passing his lips, and Logan realised that his boyfriend was no longer seeing what he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're starting to get more into the plot now, and more into Virgil's story as well.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil opens up to Logan about his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please heed the warnings.

Logan sat close to Virgil, but didn’t touch him, watching in a heartbroken silence as he sobbed and hyperventilated. He wracked his brain, going over every technique he had used in the past to get through to the other boy, but never before had he been this far gone. The psychology student had doubled over on himself, head against his knees, entire body trembling. His eyes were squeezed shut now, but from time to time flew wide open, as if reassuring himself of his surroundings.

“Virgil…” Logan said eventually, softly, but still he flinched, “Hey. Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe here. I don’t know what happened, Vee, but you’re safe with me. I will never hurt you.”

Logan continued to speak to his boyfriend, soft and gentle, until he opened his eyes, fixing his gaze to the astronomy student’s. He held out his hand then, palm up, rested against his knee, inviting but not pressuring him to take it. Slowly, Virgil reached out to twine their fingers together, his palm hot and clammy.

Smiling fondly, Logan squeezed his hand, “Okay, count it out Virgil. In for 1… 2… 3… 4…”  
Virgil nodded, going through the breathing exercise Logan had taught him months before, letting his boyfriend count out loud for him. Slowly, he managed more and more rounds without relapsing into frenzy, until he lay, soaking wet and shaking, in Logan’s arms, but calm at last.

They sat in silence for a while, Logan humming a soft tune, pressing gentle kisses to the top of the purple haired boy’s head, gently stroking his hair. Virgil kept his eyes closed, breathing deeply, face buried against his boyfriend’s chest.

“Thank you…” he whispered at last, draping his arms around Logan’s waist as the other boy’s came to rest around his shoulders, tucking him in close.

Logan smiled again, “No need to thank me, Virge. Now, what triggered all of this, if I may ask. I don’t ever want to upset you this way again, if I can help it.”

“It’s my wrists,” Virgil replied, hesitant, “It’s… A long story. But I guess you should know everything. I trust you. I’ve only ever trusted Roman with this before. I mean, my family know. They read my file. But that’s not from my mouth.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready, Virgil. Just know I will not touch your wrists like that again,” Logan said softly, but Virgil sat up, shaking his head.

“I want to. Can we walk?” 

\---

Virgil Adams was five years old when his family fell to pieces. He awoke at 11PM to the sounds of wailing coming from downstairs and cautiously followed the noise into the kitchen, where his mother sat clutching a vodka bottle, staring at a photograph of his father and sobbing violently. He crept slowly forward, his voice small as he asked, “Mommy? What’s wrong?”

She spun to face him, vodka sloshing out of the bottle and soaking her jeans, and held her arms out to her son, enveloping him in a tight hug and whispering to him that everything would be okay. That they would be okay.

That night was the night Virgil’s father died.

\---

Slowly, Virgil came to realise that the vodka bottle would become a new permanent fixture, as would the way his mother’s words gradually got harder to understand. Each night he would be woken by her screams, asking the universe why her husband, of all people, had been taken. 

The first time this happened, Virgil had taken to the stairs running, gently wrapping his little arms around her and giving her a reassuring smile through his own tears. He had squeezed her gently and whispered, “It’ll be okay, mommy.”

Her crying stopped, replaced by an eerie calm, her body growing tense and beginning to tremble. A crash sounded behind him as the empty bottle smashed into pieces against the wall. Virgil flinched back, letting his arms fall away from her.

“No it won’t! You stupid, stupid child! Nothing will ever be okay again,” she practically snarled at him, taking a wobbly step towards him for each step he took back, “Get out of my sight!”

Virgil nodded, turning and running back up to his room, closing his door over and dragging a chair in front of it. He jumped into bed and pulled the covers over his head and crying himself to sleep, his dreams plagued by terrifying monsters with wild dark hair like his mom’s. The next morning, she would hold him close and stroke his hair, tears soaking her cheeks as she vowed to never scare him again. But from that night, Virgil learned not to go near her when she screamed. Instead, he would bury his head under his pillow and loudly sob until she stopped.

\---

By the time Virgil turned six later that year, he knew that his mother would be drunk within an hour of her returning from work. He knew that when she was drunk, she would shout, and in the morning, as he held back her hair while she hung over the toilet, she would sob and tell him that he was her precious baby, that she didn’t mean a word of it.

Sometimes she would throw things, but never at him. She seemed to do it more for emphasis and fear factor than out of a desire to physically hurt him, but her words hurt all the same.

At six, Virgil learned not to ask her for food when she was drinking. He had gently tugged at her sleeve, flinching back when she turned on him.

“What do you want, Virgil?! Can’t you see that I’m upset? Can’t you ever just give me five minutes to myself?” she snarled, wagging her finger in his face, “It’s time you realised the world doesn’t revolve around you, you selfish little brat!”

He felt his eyes begin to sting with tears, cowering back slightly and staring up at his mother as he said in a small voice, “I-I’m hungry, mommy…”

“Quit your complaining!” she snapped, smashing her fist against the table, “I take good care of you. I keep a roof over your head, Virgil, don’t you realise how lucky you are?!”

Virgil stayed frozen in place, staring up at her with wide, terrified eyes. He gulped, stepping back finally and giving a small nod, “Yes, mommy. I-I’m sorry.”

Once her eyes averted back to the bottle in her hand, he turned and ran back to his room, closing the door gently behind him so as not to aggravate her and slipping underneath his bed. He had learned by now that under his bed wasn’t where monsters hid, but where one ran to in order to hide from monsters.

Virgil learned quickly to make his own cereal when his mother wasn’t in the kitchen. And later, how to make toast.

\---

The first time Virgil’s mother hit him, he was ten. He was old enough now to realise that the way his mother acted wasn’t normal. That most people’s parents didn’t come home from work, drink themselves into oblivion and yell at them for breathing too loudly. 

He had walked home from a friend’s house, psyching himself up for the whole journey to finally confront her. To finally show her what she had become. To finally get back the mother he could barely remember. The mother who had pushed him on the swing set, who had sung and danced around the kitchen as they made brownies, who had held him and cried with him the night he learned he would never see his father again. 

Dumping his bag by the stairs, he opened the door to the living room to find her already slouched in his dad’s armchair, drunk to the point that her head couldn’t seem to support itself. He shook his head, standing his ground as he asked, “Do you know what you’re doing to yourself…?”

She looked up, but gave no reaction to his words. Virgil stood up straighter, clenching his fists and raising his voice, “Mom, just because dad is dead that doesn’t mean that you can just give up! You’re killing yourself and you’re hurting us both! Do you know how embarrassing it is for me? Not to be able to bring my friends home because the house is a mess and smells like vodka and vomit?!” the words kept coming louder and more frantically until he burned himself out with a scream of, “I hate you!”

Silence filled the room and Virgil felt his chest tighten as a crippling panic consumed him. Silence was the worst response he could have hoped for. She sighed softly, raising her head to look at her son, and gestured for him to come closer, “C’mere, Virge…”

He shook his head, flinching when she repeated her words with more force and slowly moving towards her despite himself. Once he was close enough, she surged forward and grabbed his wrists harshly, tugging him close, “You listen here, boy. You utter a word of that outside this house and you will live to regret it. You utter another word like that in this house, and you will also live to regret it. I slave away most of my week earning enough money to keep you fed and clothed and this is how you repay me?!”

A smash as an empty bottle hit the wall.

“DO YOU UNDERSTAND, VIRGIL?!” a loud clap as her hand collided with his cheek, his head snapping to the side and unkempt messy hair covering his eyes so she couldn’t see the tears welling there. He nodded tersely and she let him go.

“Good. Now clean up that mess. All of this nonsense has ruined my f**king mood. I need a drink,” she muttered, leaving to the kitchen and slamming the door behind her.

Virgil made his way to the smashed bottle, picking up the larger pieces with his bare hands, showing no regard for his own safety.

\---

When Virgil was eleven, his teachers began to worry. His grades slipped drastically, his demeanour changed entirely, and he wore the same two pairs of pants and three shirts each week, to the point that they were worn and producing new holes each day. His hair had grown out so much that he had to borrow hair ties from the girls in order to see his work, and every now and then, they thought they could see the outline of a bruise on one of his wrists. He kept them well covered, however, by cutting holes in his sleeves for his thumbs.

At home, he cooked everything, he kept the house clean and free of glass, he held back his mother’s hair as she threw up violently and kept his mouth shut. He never answered back, he never spoke without being spoken to, and any time he did, she would grip his wrists hard to keep him in place as she yelled, accentuating her words with a slap.

He began to recognise an issue with himself, disregarding his mother’s behaviour as just another one of his failings. His grades were failing, and so were his attempts to save her. A better son would have been able to.

By the age of eleven, Virgil would cry himself to sleep some nights, and on others, lie awake tossing and turning, gripped by his own panic, his own spiralling thoughts of inadequacy. 

\---

When Virgil was twelve, his world turned upside down all over again. He knew something was wrong the moment his teacher caught his shoulder as he left class, asking him how things were at home. He had told her he was fine, and though she looked sceptical, she had let him go.

The silence in the house was his next clue. No loud radio, no chat shows playing in the background. His mother sat, watching him as he set his bag down and made his way into the living room.

Eventually, she broke it, “Can you explain to me why I came home from work today to see a social worker at my door, Virgil?”

Virgil’s eyes blew wide, but he shook his head. Later, he would put two and two together and realise that his teachers had been paying more attention than he had ever thought. But for now, he was just as shocked and horrified as his mother must have been.

“Who did you tell?”

“N-No one!”

“Who. Did. You. Tell?”

Virgil took a step back, “I told no one, mom! I never would!”

“Liar!” she screamed, standing up and advancing on him quickly. She grabbed his wrists roughly and Virgil braced himself for a slap, but it never came. This time she held tighter and tighter still, and she was yelling but he couldn’t hear a word over his own screaming. The way she bent his arm back hurt horribly, but she kept going as her yelling grew louder, only stopping once she felt a snap.

Virgil screamed so loudly he could feel the sound grating at his throat and knew it would hurt for a while. He felt his mother’s grip loosen and took the opportunity to pull free. 

Grabbing for the door handle, he flung it open, running as fast as he could and only stopping once he found himself on the doorstep of a friend from class. He knocked frantically and two kind-looking men answered the door: her dads.

They quickly ushered the crying boy inside, offering him a drink and listening as he finally, finally opened his heart to someone. As he finally admitted his mother’s behaviour was abuse. It would take him much longer to believe his words.

\---

“She broke my wrist,” Virgil whispered, now settled on Logan’s lap with his head against the boy’s shoulder. Logan continued to gently rub his back as he spoke, holding him close, but not restraining him. “I suppose I just decided in that moment that I didn’t want to live like that anymore. And she was already under investigation, so it was easier to get away.”

Logan remained still for a long time, nuzzled against his hair, pressing gentle kisses to the side of his head. Their silence was comfortable, and Virgil felt secure in it, knowing that Logan would never raise a hand to him, “You went through all of that, and you’re still so kind, and so empathetic. All of that, and you turned your life around and got a scholarship? I wish I could take your pain away, Virgil. I wish I could protect you and make it so that you never had to know pain or fear. But you’re so incredible.”

Virgil sat up, lifting his head to stare into Logan’s eyes, “I haven’t always been this way. It took a lot of work. I was severely depressed and anxious for most of my teenage years. I’ve only just found a combination of medication and therapy that works, and obviously, it isn’t fool proof.”

Logan shook his head, leaning in to press a gentle, barely there kiss to his lips, “That’s irrelevant. You don’t let your past define you or hold you back. And you’re so, so brave.”

Virgil felt himself smiling, rising to his feet and offering his hand to Logan, “We should head back. Your parents are probably worried.”

Logan nodded, standing up and proceeding to pick Virgil up princess style, his squeaks and giggles the entire way back to the house making his exhaustion worthwhile. The astronomy student placed Virgil down carefully on the front porch and opened the door, leading him inside. The purple haired boy kept a tight grip on Logan’s hand as they made their way to the living room, finding Matthew and Isobel sitting in front of a small pile of unopened presents.

Matthew smiled sheepishly at the two, “We might have bought a few little things for Virgil? We were planning to send them back with you after winter break, Lo.”

Virgil’s grip on Logan tightened and the astronomy student looked over to find his boyfriend near tears. He squeezed his hand back and the other boy smiled, stepping into the living room and settling down in front of them with Logan at his side, “I feel bad. I didn’t get you two anything.”

“Oh, we didn’t expect anything from you, Virgil. You’re family now, though, remember?” Isobel said softly, reaching out to squeeze his hand, “Logan told us enough about you for us to be able to make some educated guesses about what you might like, but I kept the receipts, okay?”

She passed him the small pile, and Virgil carefully began to unwrap the top one. Inside was a new strap for his guitar with a galaxy print, and he smiled broadly. His current was a black and white checker print one that he had bought when he was fourteen and wore all black constantly as a way of expressing his emotional state and fitting in whilst also showing his rebellious nature. He smiled softly, wrapping his arms around them both and thanking them.

Matthew chuckled, patting him on the back and passing him the next one. The rest were art supplies, and all were from an incredibly high quality brand he could never afford himself. Virgil seemed in a state of shock, looking between Isobel, Matthew, and their gifts before smiling broadly and wiping at his eyes, “Th-thank you so much!”

Isobel grinned, “There’s just one more thing.”

Virgil’s eyes widened, “Y-you guys didn’t have to.”

She shook her head, “I just opened my own firm, Virgil. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a while. We help kids who find themselves in rough situations or going through hard times at home, or dealing with their own identities. And once you’ve finished your schooling, I’d like you to work for me. I’ll take you on as an assistant at first, and once you have your doctorate, you’ll have your own office.”

Logan wrapped his arm around his boyfriend, wiping at fresh tears with his thumb. The other let out a sob, leaning into Logan and letting himself become enveloped in his arms, “Th-thank you so much! I-I… I’m so grateful. I’m s-so happy.”

Isobel joined in on the hug, then Matthew, and held him as he smiled and cried and felt for the first time what it was like to have family choose you.

\---

Later that evening, once they had all eaten their fill from the buffet of Christmas party foods Isobel had bought too much of, Logan and Virgil sat upstairs. The latter with his guitar on his lap, the new strap fixed in place, softly strumming a tune to a song Logan had never heard. He stopped and looked up, “I did get you something too. It’s not much, but…”

Placing the guitar to one side, he stood and opened his suitcase, pulling out a present wrapped in paper covered in space ships and astronauts and smiling sheepishly as he passed it to Logan. The astronomy student laughed softly, “I appreciate the paper,” he said with a fond smile, carefully pealing it open and pulling out a shirt.

“Y-you always wear those cool patterned shirts? And I saw this one and thought of you…”

It was a dark blue material with a white print of various constellations covering each inch of it. Logan gently pulled his boyfriend against his chest, kissing his cheek, “Virgil, I love it! And I might have gotten you something as well. Or… Made you something? Mom helped.”

He neatly folded the shirt and set it on top of his dresser to wear the following day then pulled open his closet door and produced a large, squishy present, passing it to the purple-haired boy.

Virgil took it carefully and unwrapped the gift, finding a hoodie inside. Black, with patches of purple plaid stitched on and an embroidered storm cloud on the left side. It was oversized and heavy, the way he always wore his jackets, and he unzipped it and put it on immediately, snuggling into its warmth, “You made this, Logan?”

Logan shuffled slightly, nodding, “Mom helped with the embroidery, because I’m not that good at sewing, but I made the patches myself, and put in all of the larger stitches with embroidery thread.”

Virgil flung himself into Logan’s arms, getting up on his tiptoes to capture his lips with his own. Logan gently looped his arms around Virgil’s waist and pulled him closer, practically melting into the kiss. When they eventually broke apart, Logan nuzzled against his cheek and mumbled, “So you like it?”

Virgil laughed, pulling him close for a tight hug, “I love it, Lo. Thank you so much.”

\---

Logan lay awake in the dark, listening as Virgil turned the bathroom light out for the second time in two minutes, taking deep, heavy breaths. He frowned, standing and opening his bedroom door, “Vee? Are you okay?” he asked softly, finding the boy curled up in Child’s Pose on the floor, trying to take deeper breaths.

Virgil shook his head, “L-Logan… I-I’m going to die like this. M-My heart? It feels funny. It’s so strong a-and I…” he cut off, whimpering and clutching at his t-shirt. Logan rushed to his side, finding the pulse in his neck and relaxing slightly.

“Your pulse is normal, Virgil. Does it hurt?” he asked softly, pushing Virgil’s hair back. The psychology student shook his head, taking deep, rapid breaths again, “Just off. It just feels wrong, Lo…”

Logan gently picked him up, carrying the boy into his bedroom with him and laying him down, “You’re going to be okay. Do you get this often?”

Virgil nodded, “I-I know it’s probably the anxiety. But it doesn’t make it less terrifying, Lo…” he sobbed, pressing close to his boyfriend’s chest as soon as he was lying next to him again. Logan nodded helplessly, holding him gently as he seemed to relax slightly. The boy was obviously exhausted, struggling to keep his eyes open, and he smiled when he eventually gave in and closed them, settling down to sleep again himself when he felt Virgil jerk awake suddenly in his arms, letting out a frustrated whimper and shifting out of his arms to curl up and press a hand against his chest.

Logan watched helplessly as he stood again, making his way back to the bathroom with a sigh. He returned a few minutes later and lay on the floor next to Logan’s bed, seeming to settle slightly there. Logan rested a hand on his shoulder, keeping a close eye on him as his breathing finally evened out. Just as Logan thought he might finally sleep, he jerked awake again.

The cycle continued for another hour, with Virgil pacing, crying, curling up on the floor, rushing to the bathroom. Eventually, Logan turned his lamp on, guiding the boy back to bed. He grabbed his phone, finding Marconi Union’s ‘Weightless’ on YouTube and playing it softly in the background.

“You’re only feeling it so strongly because you’re hyper focused on it. And the dark will emphasise that because with no sight, your other senses are slightly heightened,” Logan explained, gently stroking his hair. Virgil nodded, and the other boy lay back down at his side, making sure their fingers brushed, but he gave Virgil enough space to himself.

Slowly but surely, Virgil relaxed, his body losing its tension and breathing becoming slow and shallow. He jerked awake once more before finally settling into a light sleep. Logan watched him carefully, making sure he was well and truly asleep before turning the light off, but letting the music play on.

Somewhere during the night, Virgil moved so that their legs tangled together and his head rested on Logan’s chest, listening to his gentle breathing and the steady beat of his heart and knowing all was fine.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets can't stay secret.

The first time Virgil witnessed Logan having a seizure was the morning they were due to leave for college again. Though he had studied what to do in case this happened, all he could do was scream for Matthew.

The man arrived quickly, instantly shoving their clutter to the side on the floor and grappling a pillow for his head as Virgil watched on, tears filling his eyes, Isobel gently enveloping him in her arms and holding him there. It took two minutes for the convulsions to stop, ten minutes before he remembered where he was and regained his speech, instantly asking for his boyfriend.

Virgil sat next to him, peppering his face with tiny kisses and stroking his hair gently, pleading with him to take a later train and rest for a while. Though Logan protested at first, he eventually gave in allowed Virgil to tuck him into bed and curl up with his head on his chest. Logan fell asleep carding his fingers through his boyfriend's hair, and Virgil lay awake, listening to his heartbeat and reassuring himself that his lover would be fine.

\---

They arrived back in the city at around seven that night and stopped to buy takeaway pizza, since Patton and Roman weren't due back until the following day -having taken a vacation together- so the older boy would not be cooking for them tonight. Virgil carried them, leaning into Logan for warmth and the security that he was there and he was okay, "Are you feeling okay, Logan? You've sure had a rough week. Sick every day and now this...?"

Logan chuckled, "I'm fine, don't worry about it. I forgot my meds in the rush to leave, Vee. I promise it won't happen again," he purred, nuzzling into Virgil's soft hair and pressing kisses to the top of his head. He shifted the pizza box into one hand so that he could wrap the other protectively around Virgil's waist, holding him close as they picked their way through campus, opting for Logan's dorm room.

Virgil didn’t look convinced, “Is there any chance I can convince you to take tomorrow off of class and let me take care of you? Please?” He pressed, eyes so wide Logan had to laugh.

“I’ll see how I feel tonight. I might take you up on that offer. I have to say I’d quite like to have you to myself all day,” Logan murmured the last sentence into his boyfriend’s ear, watching his face flush and ears turn red as he led him into the warmth of the dormitory building. He dropped his arm from around Virgil's waist as they made their way upstairs and along the corridor to Logan's own room. Virgil took the box from him so that he could unlock the door and placed it on Patton's bed. He turned back to the astronomy student as the door closed, getting up on his tiptoes to press a gentle kiss to his lips, smiling as Logan's arms wrapped around him securely, the taller boy pressing his face to the crook of Virgil's neck and kissing there.

"Please...?" Virgil whispered, hands gripping at Logan's cardigan, "Please stay home tomorrow. Let me stay with you until Patton gets back?"

Logan chuckled, slowly pulling away from Virgil and setting on his bed, "Fine. If it puts your mind at ease, I'll forego classes for one day. Now sit down and eat some freaking pizza."

Two pizzas and a shared portion of hot cookie dough later, Virgil sat, curled up on Logan's lap, wrapped in his new hoodie and listening to the steady beating of Logan's heart. His eyes closed and he relaxed entirely as the astronomy student's hand found his hair, gently brushing through the strands. They stayed like that for a while, until Virgil let out a soft, contented noise that made Logan's heart stammer. 

The purple haired boy glanced up at him, "Are you okay? Your heart rate just like, doubled."

The astronomy student gently cupped Virgil's cheek, slowly closing the space between them and kissing him gently at first. Virgil shifted in his lap, wrapping his arms around Logan's neck, a small moan escaping his lips as their kiss became more fierce, the taller boy tugging his boyfriend's lower lip with his teeth.

Virgil groaned, hands running through Logan's hair, tangling in the longer strands and pulling him closer as they found themselves lying on the mattress. Logan's hand grasped Virgil's side, shifting him onto his back until he lay underneath Logan, the other boy's fingers slowly pushing his shirt up.

As one hand reached to undo the button on his jeans, Virgil tensed, grabbing him quickly. Logan stopped immediately, his eyes sobering into horror at the thought of hurting his lover again, "Virgil, what's wrong? Do you want me to stop?"

Virgil bit his lip, shaking his head slightly, "I... I really don't. Just... Just don't freak out, please?"

He reached down, pushing his jeans and boxers down slightly to reveal his hips, etched with thin white lines on both sides. Logan gasped softly, gently stroking his thumbs over each one, meeting his lover's terrified gaze with a sad smile.

Virgil looked away, "Do you think I'm stupid? Are you going to leave me...?"

Logan gently cupped his cheeks, kissing away the tears rolling down his cheeks, "No, Virgil. None of that. Darling, I care so much about you, and I'm so glad that you pulled yourself through all of that. I'm so glad you're a little better now, dear. I'm proud of how far you've come. I'm proud of you," he whispered softly, both boys smiling through tears as their lips met again in a soft, tender kiss. 

The purple haired boy pulled him closer, making sure that Logan's shirt joined his own on the floor, only breaking their kiss to see it removed. The taller boy pulled away, his face remaining millimetres from Virgil's, their lips almost brushing still as he whispered, "Are you sure...?"

Virgil nodded, closing the gap between them once more.

\---

Logan lay awake, arm around Virgil, who slept soundly with his head against the astronomy student's bare chest. It was the soundest he had seen the boy sleep yet, and he didn't dare move and ruin that for him. They had gotten up and showered, and Virgil's hair was still damp where it lay in front of his eyes. He looked beautiful, serene, and Logan couldn't help the pang of guilt he felt at taking more and more from this boy without sharing that one terrifying piece of his truth in return.

He let his hand rest on the back of Virgil's head, gently scratching at his scalp, playing with his wet hair, and let out a sigh. Virgil had shared more of himself tonight, in trusting him as he had traced and kissed each scar on his hips, scars only two people had ever seen. A truth known only to them, and to Roman.

"I don't want to mess this up," he had whispered, his eyes finding anywhere to settle but on Logan, "So I have one more thing I think you need to know."

And as they lay snuggled in bed, Virgil had told him about his brief relationship with his roommate, Roman Prince. A story Patton had already been told when his relationship with the handsome actor had started to become serious.

They had started with passion, uncaring of the fact that they shared their halls with eight other people, uncaring of anything but each other. They had held each other through their darkest moments and pulled each other back into the sun. And they had fizzled out like the flames they were, gradually, into cinders and ashes. 

It had taken its toll for a few months, on them, on their friendship, on their health, with no support system left in place. It had taken a mental breakdown on Roman's part, and Virgil's deep rooted protective nature, for them to regain their level of tenderness and care for each other, for them to recognise their love as platonic, blazing and beautiful nonetheless.

Logan smiled to himself, kissing his hair again as he remembered the fear in Virgil's eyes softening to relief and something else as he had tilted the purple haired boy's head up and pressed just as gentle a kiss to his forehead and said, "I'm glad that you have someone to rely on so heavily. I am glad that there's someone there for you to comfort you in a non-romantic way. We all need that sometimes, Vee."

He had paused then, gnawing at his lip, "I have something I need to tell you as well, Virgil..." he'd said softly.

But when he had met Virgil's wide eyes -so full of love, if a little dimmed by exhaustion- he had panicked, swallowed his words, and whispered, "I love you," instead.

Virgil had startled at that, but settled quickly, if a little uncomfortably. He had nestled against his chest once again, head beneath Logan's chin, and whispered back, "You mean a lot to me too."

Now, Logan sighed, hugging the sleeping boy close to his chest and closing his eyes, trying desperately not to think too long and too hard on this hole he had dug for himself. He had taken too long, and now he couldn't find a right time or a right way to tell Virgil what he desperately wanted to. And he did want to. He wanted to finally let himself feel what he had been feeling for so long, to hold the man he loved and just sob and sob until not a drop of moisture remained in his eyes. Until his head ached and his body ceased its trembling and he had at last allowed himself to process the lot he had been dealt.

\---

Sometime during the night, Logan must have fallen asleep, because when he opened his eyes, daylight filtered through the blinds, cold and icy as the snow outside, and Virgil's warm brown eyes gazed up at him. The boy had slipped off of his chest to lie with his head on his shoulder, tracing patterns with a finger on his stomach.

Logan groaned, rolling over and enveloping the boy in a tight hug, nestling against his chest and sighing, "Can we stay in bed all day, Vee?"

Virgil chuckled softly, playing with his hair and letting out a content sigh of his own, "That was the deal, L," Virgil teased, "No classes for you today. You have to put up with me."

Virgil let Logan hold him a while longer before shimmying out of the astronomy student's grip and grabbing his pills from the side of his bed. He pressed a gentle kiss to his boyfriend's forehead and passed them to him, "Please go take these. I'm going to get dressed and move some of my stuff back to my dorm room. I'll pick up a hot breakfast on my way back, okay?"

Logan smiled fondly, reaching up to gently stroke Virgil's hair, his cheek. The light from the window caught in his fading purple hair, bleaching it further to a soft lavender. He looked heavenly.

"What would I do without you to take care of me, Virgil?" He asked, a hushed whisper.

Virgil rolled his eyes, standing up and pulling on some fresh clothes and his new hoodie. He leaned over to kiss Logan again, "Take those pills, you stupid genius," he chuckled, and the astronomy student rolled his eyes at the oxymoron. "I won't be long, I promise. But don't give me reason to worry, okay?"

Once the door closed and Virgil was gone, Logan stood, grabbing his glasses from the bedside table and making his way slowly to the kitchen. He poured himself a glass of water and let out a sigh, taking his pills and staring into the cup. The astronomy student stayed that way for a few agonising minutes before pulling his phone out of his pocket and texting Patton:

"I'm going to tell Virgil. Wish me luck."

He drank the rest of the water in one gulp and made his way back to his room with a newfound resolve and purpose in his stride. Settling down at his desk, he pulled a stack of paper from a drawer, plucked a fountain pen from his desk tidy, and began to write.

\---

When Patton received Logan's text, he was lying in Roman and Virgil's dorm, still in their thick winter jackets, snuggled on Roman's bed. He felt a wave of relief flood through him at the words and held Roman a little tighter. At first, he hadn't wanted to leave home for the break, even if it meant seeing Roman. He hadn't wanted to leave Logan, to be so far away if something went wrong, if he needed his friends.

The thought alone brought tears to his eyes once more and he felt Roman shuffling up to lay next to him, gently pushing his hair back and wiping the tears from his cheeks.

"Hey, Pat. Sweetheart what's wrong...?" Roman asked softly, pressing gentle little kisses to his cheeks. Patton launched into his arms and he held him close, letting him sob against his shoulder.

"You can tell me. I promise your secrets are all safe with me," he whispered, nuzzling against his hair.

Patton took a few long, shuddering breaths, gripping at Roman's jacket. He debated telling Roman, or letting Logan tell him by himself, but Logan and Roman didn't talk much and he had kept his sorrows from his boyfriend for far too long already. Besides, with Logan probably talking to Virgil at that moment, there was no longer any reason to keep it secret.

"It's Logan," he said softly, "He's been having constant headaches, then he had a seizure and we... We found out that it's a brain tumour. It's cancer, Roman," his voice dropped to a whimper and he buried his face against his neck again, "My best friend has cancer."

The door to the room slammed, followed by hurried footsteps and the slamming of the dormitory door.

\---

Virgil had fully intended on marching into his room until he had heard the sounds of sobs from within. He had stopped with a start, trying to figure out if he would be needed for support or not, and had been surprised to hear the voice of Logan's ever cheerful roommate, choked with tears. And he had meant to leave. He really, truly had. But something had kept him frozen in place, listening in on every word. And then he had opened the door slightly as he heard Logan's name.

Followed by the unimaginable.

His feet had moved on their own and he stepped back, slamming the door as he went, feeling his breaths come shallower and faster, his heart pounding so hard he could practically hear it, and was oblivious to the sound of the dormitory door slamming behind him.

Logan.

His Logan.

His space nerd was sick; possibly dying.

Footsteps and shouts sounded behind him now, and he sprang into a run, then a full sprint, tears streaming down his cheeks as he desperately tried to reach Logan, to talk to him before they caught up. To touch his cheek, to...

He thrust open the door to the astronomy student's building, taking the stairs two at a time. His toe caught on the edge of a step and he crumpled to the floor, smashing his shins and his knees, his forehead, against the edges of the stairs. He let out a soft whimper, picking himself up and setting back off at a fast limp until he found himself outside his boyfriend's room, fist pounding on the door.

Logan opened it a few beats later and found his boyfriend wrapped around him instantly, face pressed against his chest as he sniffled and gripped at the astronomy student’s shirt. Instinctively, he closed his arms around him, pulling him closer and gently rocking him, “Virgil… Whatever’s the matter? Are you hurt?”

“Why didn’t you tell me…?”

Logan screwed up his face in confusion, about to inquire as to what he meant when Roman and Patton skidded to a halt, panting, in the hallway. His best friend’s hair was a mess, his glasses askew, and his eyes pink and bleary, still shimmering with the remnants of tears. He gnawed at his lower lip, only meeting Logan’s eyes for a second, “I’m sorry…”

“To hear something like this from Patton… To know that I was going to be the last to know about the man I’m dating having cancer,” the word passed Virgil’s lips as a whisper, nearly a sob, and he pulled back just slightly. “I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me. It hurts.”

Ninety percent of the time, Logan was a rational, articulate man. He could command words and weave them exactly right to express what he wished to convey. Looking at Virgil now, at the pain his secrecy had caused, his words failed him, “I…” he stammered, “I didn’t want you to leave me. I was… I was scared that…” he paused, “That if you knew… You…”

“You thought I’d decide that you weren’t worth it…?” the purple haired boy asked softly, tilting his head slightly and fixing his gaze on his boyfriend. “You thought I would do that to someone I care about so deeply?”

Logan glanced past him to Patton, the two of them seeming to understand each other without words nor action, and the zoology student took Roman’s hand and led him to the kitchen.

His attention now solely focused again on Virgil, he nodded, “Not truly, no. But it was an irrational fear I couldn’t seem to shake. I’ve looked at this all objectively, however, and would understand if my jumping to conclusions caused you to rethink your emotions towards me. And if you did happen to think that this is more than you signed up for with me, I would-“

A hand covered his mouth and Virgil shook his head, huffing out a small laugh, “Please stop talking before you dig yourself a moat. Listen, moron. I am going nowhere. I am going to take this,” his free hand gripped Logan’s, “and I am not letting it go. I am staying by your side through everything. Someone needs to make sure you don’t prioritise your homework over your meds, right?”

Virgil felt himself being pulled in for a crushing hug, and started to laugh, until he heard a sharp intake of breath next to his ear, the strained whine of someone trying to hold back a dam. His face fell then into a sad smile, and he held him back, gently tracing constellations across Logan’s back, “It’s okay, you can cry. Actually, it’s bad for your mental health if you don’t cry, so the logical answer here would be to sob your freaking guts out,” he whimpered, fingers gripping Logan’s shirt again, “I… I know I’m going to.”

Logan let his legs go limp, and Virgil followed, the two of them curled in a heap on the dormitory room floor, sobbing, holding each other, as Logan finally let himself drop the act of strength. Let himself be human and vulnerable. Let himself sob in despair and fear and rage. Rage that it had to happen to him, to his family, to this man that he loved so dearly. Rage for all of them, and for the brightness of his future no longer being promised. He sobbed until his throat was raw and eyes felt dry of tears, and then he held Virgil still; content to just be near him in silence, for as long as they had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise next chapter will be a little more fluffy. As fluffy as it can be.

**Author's Note:**

> So this work has been going on Tumblr for about a year and a half, but I thought maybe I should expand it to this community as well and maybe more of you can see and enjoy it. It might also help me to get back some of my old reader base since I only just updated last night after a year of nothing. Enjoy! Feedback is loved and cherished. I still read all of the comments I got on Tumblr.


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